The courage to be a person of integrity is a beautiful struggle in which we are molded constantly.
It would be a disservice to you and myself if I simply gave you the "definition"of integrity and said now go do this. Instead I'll attempt to illustrate truth and integrity in relationships. Before going further it is fair to admit that this post is a response to my reflections on Gordon Smith's book Courage and Calling: Embracing Your God-Given Potential. If this post inspires you to dive into more personal reflection on integrity and the courage to live with it I refer you to this work now.
Integrity is made known in relationships; be they business, sexual, familial, spiritual, friendly, or hateful. In relationships we reveal what we make time for, what we pretend to be, and what we really are to ourselves and others. The past two months I have had a great opportunity to reevaluate my relationships and the integrity reflected in them. I am in a new dating relationship. I am also in a new seminary environment where I seem to be meeting new people everyday. Lastly I have the glorious task of maintaining relationships from so many different places. Integrity is revealed in relationship we make time for.
Integrity is evident to ourselves when we live out our convictions with generosity, honesty, and joy.
Currently I am in what most people call a long distance dating relationship. I get to make time in my day to talk to, be it over skype, phone, or email, a sister in Christ who has chosen to invest her life with me while I do likewise (my integrity let's me freely confess my disdain for the titles "girlfriend" and "boyfriend"though maybe one day I will write a post reclaiming the depth and importance of committing to a relationship that most call "dating"). I act honestly in this relationship which allows me not to force a conversation but simply enjoy a lingering silence over the phone as we contemplate together what we have just said to one another. In honesty I can say I was wrong to have broken a promise, and stand vulnerable waiting for forgiveness from her. In honesty I can communicate my other commitments be they personal or academic and fulfill them which typically means for the time being "apart" from her. Yeah and then I get to honestly say I love her and know that this is communicated as we talk, and sit in mutual silence with one another as we grow closer together. I can vent, confess, rest, and joyfully be in relationship with her, because I can be me in my weakness and strength with her. I admit that we are growing in relationship and therefore are learning what it means to love more and more as we grow. Yes we are ignorant, but not stagnant or flippant about what we and God are doing in and through us.
We've all met new people before. Whether we move to a new town, find a new job, or simply interact with a complete stranger; there is some kind of excitement about introducing ourselves. Now some like introducing themselves in large groups while others you meet in a large group but won't really see their integrity until you make it a point to knock on their door. I generally fall in the latter of the two groups which means in general it takes about a month for me to really settle somewhere and make connections with people. Its good to understand this about myself because it calms what could be a very anxious time in my life whenever I move. I can be myself in a new place and unapologetically so. I will admit my faults and in doing so admit that I am not perfect and should not be expected to be so. Similarly I won't expect perfection from you. The beauty is in doing so we both maintain our integrity and are free to be ourselves; faults and strengths equally. In maintaining my quite, retrospective, joyful, integrity I pray that I am making space for other to maintain their own integrity. It was common for me to feel inadequate in new environments especially academic ones. In this state I would act defensively and remain aloof and concentrate almost solely on my studies. I was a student to a fault. I still struggle with this even in seminary but it is getting better. I cannot be myself without relationship. You cannot be yourself without relationship try it and you will see or better yet learn from my experience. Understand that loneliness will present itself in your life if it has not already, but never believe the lie that you are forever alone. Integrity, honesty, genuine love bring relationship. New relationships bring us opportunity to refresh our determination to be honest and loving. Current relationships keep us accountable to being honest and loving.
One of my greatest joys is calling home. My family has proved to be the most constant and consistent conversation and accountability in my life. My family knows me better than I know myself most of the time. Whether explicit or implicit in our conversations my family reminds me of where I have been and what I am presently doing. Our relationship has transformed as we all get older. I still obey my parents in situations but those situations have drastically reduced as my responsibilities increase. Rather than being a dependent I am interdependent on the experience my parents bring with them. Whether I ask my dad for advice in a possible car purchase or my mom about a recipe they have become more and more a brother and sister in Christ. My younger brother has become a thoughtful and strong young man who is learning to wrestle with the interdependence relationships in Christ create. It is great to talk to and hear from and be convicted by his faith. I do not thank God enough for them.
With this in mind I want to pose questions to you that I am beginning to ask myself.
Do you give space for people to act according to their integrity?
Do you engage in business (ie purchasing choices) with integrity and purchase with your convictions or strictly with the dollar in mind?
Are you acting in fear or are you genuine?
These questions won't make you perfect. They are not supposed to. These questions are posed with the hope that you will begin to understand a bit of what it means to live presently with yourself and others who are imperfect. In living this way you and others can begin to become more interdependent on one another's strengths not in the name of advancement but in the cause of community.
This is really just the tip of the iceberg. Brothers and Sisters when we have integrity together so does our community: the Church. Our integrity comes in relationship with one another and with the Father and Son through the Spirit. Pray, meditate, read, walk, eat, labor, drink, commune with one another and God. Be people of integrity not for your sake alone, but for the sake of those around you and your Creator who knows you more than you could imagine.
Blessings and Peace from God as are presently.
