Let us be Humble

The Lord kindly asks for your excellence.

I think Christians, myself included of course, often confuse two terms in relation to how our excellence is in fact God's excellence. These terms are humbleness and self-effacement. The former being an part of the Spirit's work in our lives and the latter being our independent attempt at that same work. We cannot live humbly if we ground ourselves in our own pride and boasting which is exactly what self-effacement is.

Confession, I have embodied a self-effacing attitude for a few seasons in my life. During these I struggle to accept any kind word without some kind of internal critique of what the person just said. I would often look on the success of others with simultaneous envy and denial. I would not deny the fact that this other person was successful; that was what the envy was for. No, I denied that I could actually achieve a similar level of success in my life's endeavors. Basically I would see my peers as the success stories I wanted, but knew I could never join in. Self-effacement was a flat denial of any kind of good capable of coming from my work. If you have read Ecclesiastes you may have an idea of what this can look like in a broad way. Vanity of vanities! All is vanity. If everything is vanity than that must mean I am vain too. (Vain: adjective, producing no result, having no meaning, synonym= futile). Self-effacement is the practice of a vain life by convincing yourself there is no meaning to be declared. Yes, that has been an issue in my life, a Christian seminarian who looks forward to the day he might receive a call to a local church. I have my days where Ecclesiastes is actually more invigorating than the coffee in my cup. I know I'm a little strange, but let's move on. Vanity is usurped by grace and simultaneously the habit of self-effacement is given up for the more truthful practice of humbleness.

First, grace brings in contentment (contentment: noun, state of satisfaction, synonym=fulfillment). The beauty of this grace is that it is extended from Holy God! This same God who began by extending grace to Israel out of Egypt and covenanted with them. This same God who continued to extend grace to King David and his family line. This same God who made the covenant open to all who would believe that through the final sacrifice of Jesus Christ all are brought out of death into life. This same God who poured his Spirit on to His church that it might pray that His will be done. Grace is contentment in this God. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

God's grace brings us meaning.

"I am Who I am." Ex. 3:14. Often I read this to mean at this point in history God was saying get over it Moses I am who I am and you cannot do anything about this. That will prove my authority enough for the time being. Then I was taught and kinda sorta learned enough Hebrew to know there is much more going on here in Exodus. God's name is witness to His continuous action. When people asked what is his name? They were asking not only for his name; Joe, but also the authority of or definition of this person. Asking for a name was somewhat like asking for their resume today. Because God's name is "I am Who I am (continuously)" then it follows that God's authority is His own holiness. So what?!  Now it is pretty cool what God does. God extends grace to His people over and over again because God is faithful. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Our meaning is to Laud His name above all names (Laud: verb, praise highly in a public context, synonym= extol). We Laud Him by accepting the grace he extends to us. We praise him in our contentment in the life he leads us to. He guides us into a life of humbleness. We are held dear by the Lord. He has for us excellence. This excellence is not only for our own self, but for His name's sake. His outpouring of grace brings us into right relationship with Him. Our excellence is provided by His grace. Can you tell yet that I am trying to say something, but lack the ability to? Good, it's not just me. Our contentment, righteousness, and worship are all consequences of God's grace. There it is. Worship of and prayer to God are practices in humbleness.

We are excellent in God's grace.

Go then, eat your bread in happiness and drink your wine with a cheerful heart; for God has already approved your works. Let your clothes be white all the time, and let not oil be lacking on your head. Ecclesiastes 9:7-8

Our humbleness does not hide the excellence God is forming us to be. Humbleness is our submission to the work of God in our lives, and naming Him as our potter. Yeah, the excellence is seen and the maker is lauded for it. That is most excellent.

Deus Vobiscum

Hear, hear!

In the midst of the chaos I did not have the opportunity to give Ryan and Amanda Carlock the traditional best man toast at their reception. As I was saying my goodbyes a few of the members of Ryan's family asked that I write out and make available what I had prepared. As a disclaimer I usually have just an outline for these sort of public speeches and due to this habit it is difficult if not impossible for me to repeat exactly what I would have said or even how I would have delivered this toast without that context. I want to respect the request that came from Ryan's family. So read at your leisure.


Friends and family, thank you for coming and witnessing with me the marriage of a very close friend. Some of you may have been wondering who I was as I stood amongst this very tall wedding party. My name is Vince Cutrona and I have known Ryan since we were seven and eight years old (yes we were closer in height back then, but he shot up quickly).


I lived next door to Ryan and the Carlock family through elementary school and during this time each of our living-rooms became extensions of the other's home (we eventually learned to just walk-in and stop with the doorbells). We would watch DBZ, draw, jump on the trampoline(trying to see how high my little brother Louis would go), find old spandex to squeeze in to, eat copious amounts of cookies (I learned to grab them fast and with authority) and play one too many videogames when Friday rolled around and we could sleep over. And while our homes sat so close together on Pennyroyal Lane there was one distinct difference the Carlock household was loud and the perfect place to watch the Notre Dame football games and the Cutrona household was quiet and the perfect place to reflect on the events going on around you. The Carlocks would move when we reached middle school, but just a little ways down the road and what had started as a friendship between two boys became a friendship shared between their families too. We did not skip a single beat and we came by constantly when we finally got our own driver's licenses anyway.


When high school graduation came around we went off to do new things in different places, but at every Christmas break our families would get together for new year's and in the summer we'd still shoot off fireworks on the 4^th. Ryan has grown up a lot since we met, but he keeps his humor close (yes, I was the one who watched Dumb and Dumber with him five times in one day). I cannot share every story I have of Ryan and the Carlocks. What I can share is this; Ryan and I grew up as brothers and we are still learning what that means even today.


Amamda, he is not perfect (you hopefully knew this already) but he is genuine. I hope that I can get to know you on the level I know Ryan's family. I hope you feel welcome by the Cutronas too.


To you both, thank you for giving me a front row seat (you know I need it) to witnessing your wedding. May this be a strong beginning to your marriage. May the family and friends here be a strong support to your marriage. I pray you have many stories with laughter and tears. Sit quietly in the grace of our Lord together and act on his Word. Be blessed Mr. and Mrs. Carlock.



Cheers!  

Front Door

Eschatology is quickly becoming my favorite theological sub-field. It is the study of the end. Eschatology, the word, is the combination of two Greek words, εσχατος which is an adjective meaning last or in regards to time, the end. (Middle Liddell) The second word is λογος which is best understood here to mean thought. Eschatology is the thought of the end. So to ask if there is an end or in what way will the end come or even what will the end actually end? These are eschatological questions. The answers we have to these questions are hugely influential in the way we live today. In my experience and reflections I have found we live in direct consequence to our eschatological beliefs. This entry will illustrate a bit of why I enjoy this field and where I may go in it in subsequent entries.

Human history tells me that my lifespan will be painfully short compared to the roughly 5000 year timetable established by known written record (please note this comment has nothing to do with the age of the Earth it simply looks at the human written record THANKS). In that time civilizations have been built on the backs of great cities, religions, and armies. Those same civilizations have been toppled by other greater civilizations with other armies, cities, and religions. Summerian, Egyptian, Maya, Shang, Babylonian, Persian, Qin, Greek, and you know the rest right? Maybe you've read about the fall of the Abbasid capital, Baghdad to the Mongols in 1258? You could have read about the show down between Athens and Sparta in the 5th century BC. You could even have a good grasp of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and/or Teddy Roosevelt and we could agree that great men have come before us. When you look at these civilizations, events and men I hope you see that despite the monuments these have all come to an end. We may still invoke the Rough Rider's spirit or even explore the language of Plato (it's not as crazy as it sounds) but in doing so we confess that something or someone of consequence came before us. If we are humble enough that confession will lead us to believe that other events and people of consequence will come after us. I digress though. In the midst of human history we will sometimes find hope for today, but if we look to closely or for too long we may see our own mortality. It is our reaction to our own mortality that gives detail to our eschatological beliefs.

Yesterday I tuned in to watch a bit of the National Geographic channel. I have always enjoyed paging through the magazine and figured the televised form would be as good. I was lucky enough to tune in while the channel was airing a show called Doom's Day Preppers. The premise of the show is that the people on the show have spent extraordinary amounts of time, energy, and money in preparing for big bad events like EMPs, solar flares, big floods, zombies, or the neighbor coming over asking for another stick of butter (okay we only do that here at my house). Seriously though these families take their six year olds to the shooting range, forgo vacation plans, build castles out of cinder blocks, and fire 19th century cannons in gas masks in their spare time. After I rolled my eyes for the upteenth time and finally changed the channel I asked my dad why we did not have a bomb shelter. We both agreed life was better spent in human relationship where we had to learn to trust those around us like our neighbor who never seems to buy enough (or any) butter. The people on that show display a very common interpretation of our mortality. You only live once. You better do it all now because after this life you just sit in the ground for a few months and decay. Make your impact now, go on that adventure now, because you may be dead tomorrow. The s*&t could really hit that fan tomorrow so be ready for it if you want to continue living. Learn to shoot a gun because your neighbor will want more than butter from you then. An eschatology that starts with fear manifests in both the bizarre preppers we see on tv and the arrested potential all around us.

Fear halts genuine communication. If this is it and you only get what you get here out of life than of course you fear the end. You have no idea when it is coming or in what way. You could go down guns blazing against a horde of fiery zombie spike-beasts that have no eyes (highly unlikely though). Maybe you'll grow old and pass in your sleep. No amount of material preparing can prevent the black cloak from coming to your door. For now I hope my neighbor needs more baking goods because I enjoy the conversation.      

Our Greatest Wound

Brother and Sisters,

I will not lie to you this post was prompted by my reflections on Henri Nouwen's The Wounded Healer. I have read this book a number of times over the past 4 years and the last chapter is the sharpest blade to have cut into my pride save the scriptures. Needless to say I recommend the book to all of you and as a bonus it is only 100 pages long! Seriously though you should consider reading it.

Now where were we?

Loneliness ah yes!

Loneliness will always find us. Our days can be plagued with attempts at quelling the lonely reality we inhabit. Maybe we call, text, refresh facebook, or plan hours and hours of experiences with friends. Fellowship is good, but it cannot overcome our loneliness. At some point we all must face a lonely hour, maybe this has not happened to you. Let me share with you part of mine.

One year ago I lived off campus with three close friends. The house we rented was large enough for four to comfortably inhabit. We cooked, cleaned, sang, worked, lounged, and lived basically together. In that house there were more hours spent together (with at least one other housemate) than there were hours spent in solitude. That solitude inevitably came though and with it came the brunt of my loneliness.

In that solitude came self-worth issues, and even tears. You see I have a knack for over-thinking in my loneliness I became my only topic. Those doubts you have of yourself are quite loud in the silence of loneliness. Hours feel like days and you are exhausted when they are over.

Why not go find someone or something to fill those hours of solitude Vince? You may be asking this question by now, and believe me when I say I asked that question constantly. For a while I told myself it was not a big deal to be the only one home. Later I learned that it was a small part of my role in for the house and my housemates. Being the first one home meant I could make sure the door was opened for my brothers. It is what we do with the reality of our loneliness that matters.

Maybe you still deny loneliness convincing yourself that you really only need that perfect man or woman to like you to no longer feel this nagging pest. Maybe you think you only need to pray more. Maybe you think if you were busier you'd be happier and less lonely. Read this next statement carefully. Loneliness is guaranteed to us until God's redemption is fully realized.

In our loneliness we come face to face with ourselves. Our vices, virtues, past, present, and the unsure future. It is frightening to see it all walk before you like that. We have a hope though. A hope that our loneliness can be redeemed not into some pity party, but that God can heal us and others by it.

As Henri Nouwen put it our loneliness gives us the ability to withdraw from a space of ours and let others enter and make of it what they can. We give space to others to explore and learn. We don't have to be addressed to know that we are loved. You see, because at the end of your loneliness you will find that Jesus is there. He smiles and embraces you then sends you out with his love.

So go.
Go tell of your loneliness.
Go tell of your sins.
Tell of your pride and arrogance.
Tell of your hope and love.
Tell of your Lord.
Then withdraw and wait and see what comes to the Lord.

Blessings

Small Perspective

These are a collection of writings that I first wrote down between 2 and 5 years ago.

I pray they do for you what they have done for me both now and then.

Obsession

Starts small and insignificant.
Dwell upon it for a while.
Leave it and let it grow.
Come back to it and enjoy it some more.
Subconsciously try and attain your obsession.
Wake up and be captured by it.
Dwell on it until it become viable.
Consciously try to attain it.
Sell out to have your obsession.
View time as your enemy.
Attain your desire.
Find a new desire.

Obsession is a vicious cycle of misplaced love.

What love does to you.

Love commands you! It takes you by your ankles and swings you around and then holds you there for a while. Yes at times you may get sick. Sometimes love is quiet and waits for you to make a move. God is love but love is not God all of the time. Love is timeless and yet always in the present. The most unusual attribute we can put to love is its universality. When God takes your heart you will be shaped to be more like Christ. This to me says you will begin to love those on the fringe. It is not a love born out of sympathy, but it is a love that simply loves the person for who they are. God's grace is sufficient enough for all that accept Him as Lord. The question remains can we as believers show God's love in our actions?

Honesty

Honesty can explain your first thought with tact. Brutality is blunt and hurtful. Honesty builds trust in a relationship. Brutality shatters a part of the relationship. With trust comes a sense of peace and a foundation for love to grow. Wisdom comes from the honest thinker/leader/doer. A wise person knows enough to know that knowing is not enough. It is true that works will not save us from hell, but what is this life really for? Life is to honor God in honest worship of our loving God. We will not always get it right. However we must remember that we are examples and are the salt and light of this world. Let's bring the good out to love and honor our God. Let us thank him for his grace with our works. Let us start with love and honesty.

Beauty

We are bombarded with images of pseudo beauty. We are so battered by this bombardmwnt that we mistake glamour (beauty's twice removed cousin) for true beauty. Beauty is not simply form, like glamour is. Beauty is more about the function and purpose of a person or thing and based on how well that person or thing fits and thrives. When that person fits and thrives beauty is most fully seen. The sad story is beauty is largely ignored. We say things like, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." We make beauty relative to ourselves. I believe beauty is, and the beholders out there are for the most part blind to it. Beauty is not a scantly clad cheerleader to be gawked at. No, beauty is so much more than that. Beauty is a 50th anniversary surrounded by children and grandchildren. Beauty is saying everything without opening your mouth. Beauty is stepping out of the spotlight to wipe the tears from your friend's eyes. Beauty is the cross and the rolled back stone. Beauty fits.

You are beautiful.

An Ode to all those

To you who will never be in the history books and even to those who are, may we never forget the one who strengthens us.

To you who weep, may you find solace in a friend.
To you who fight, may you cease to hate.
To you who are indifferent, may you be moved to passionate living.
To you who gripe about insignificant matters, may you construct a significant solution to share with all.
To you who wander this world, may you find peace every night.
To you who are too small, may that never stop you from achieving your dreams.
To you who already follow Christ, may you draw nearer to him each day.
To you in authority, may you  always remember your responsibility.
To you who suffers, may you never forget Him who suffered first.

A Personal Aside

Commonly, people assume I am tired. It must be something in my eyes. Sure from time to time they are right, but usually not. I carry my internal dialogue externally. That's good if it is recognized for what it is. Maybe I need to let people in more than I am now. Lord I ask that you provide time and relationships in my life to address this weariness I carry. All this in your name.
   Amen

Enough of the Noise

Connect.
I am unlimited.

These are two mantras used by a new advertisement selling me a cellphone and a data plan to go with it. People want and need connection. To know and feel wanted and loved. Whether you are introverted or extroverted is not the issue here. We are all of us wired for relationship. Our most prized inventions of the age are geared towards creating connections. This keyboard, screen, server, and software all work together so that my small voice might have a place on this great public forum known as the internet. A series of lights, sounds, and code all go into making what I want to say legible to a wide audience of which you are included. Strange isn't it? You may not know who I am or what I look like but we have achieved something together be it small and mostly one-sided (granted you could leave a comment at the end and we could see what happens? I leave that up to you).

My goal with this blog is to get beyond just surface talk. In the past year or so I have had a rocky experience with technology. I logged off of facebook for about two or three months last year and then went to work in a National Park for three more months which habituated me to phone calls and snail mail it was glorious! Having now been back in the land of wifi waves and colorful pixels I've been experiencing withdrawal effects. Friends, don't post on my wall or allow me to passively tell you how I have been through a few witty status updates. I don't and I won't.

I've known for some time now that I am most myself when my pen is to paper. I like the strain of a long letter on my right hand. It reminds me of the work a relationship takes even in the small acts. I like the smell of the ink. The sound of folding the paper in thirds to fit in the envelope which I taste so slightly that my work might make it to the intended destination unsoiled.

I work on relationships in my life. I am limited in my ability to connect not because I choose to be that way, but because I am simply finite. No phone, computer, or pen will change the fact that I cannot relate to all of you the way we both deserve. I have to choose who I will relate to in time, because I am nothing more than one singular person in one place.

I am trying something new yet old with some of my closest friends. This new practice will continue to grow and mature relationships. To grow and mature in relationships we have to stop asking ourselves what we will get out of a relationship, but how is this relationship changing us. We must contribute a piece of who we are in relationships if there is to be any meaning in it. Failing to do that will simply make us consumers of one another. We will literally suck the life out of one another. I cannot contribute to some forms of communication much anymore, because I resent the ease of it. The ease of facebook erases the joy and pain of relationships. I easily forget the physical distance circumstance has made for me and my friends when I am on facebook. I was not pained by the reality because the reality was I could just stare at their profile picture and remember a few good times we had together and feel as though we got it together. I want to work for my relationships and really feel the pain and joy that comes with them. This has led me to challenge my limited self to connect.

The challenge is to write and connect. This blog is only the surface of what is going on in my head. All of us attempt relationship and want to be wanted by others. Relationship is when a connection between people causes them to change one another. Relationship also highlights who people are already and accentuates the character of everyone involved. Relationship is an amazing force in all of our lives. Are you relating to people? Are you being transformed in your relationships? To what end are these transformations leading both of you? Reflect on these questions. Are you both pained and joyous in your relationships?

I am keeping this blog. I'll be on facebook little. I invite you to connect with one another. I challenge you to value your word and your relationships. I ask that you step away from the pixels now as I prepare to walk away from the keyboard and remember that you and I both have the opportunity to relate to those around us and dear to us. Be present.

Be Blessed  

The first semester of Seminary. We are only getting started people!

Finishing the three hour Church History Final on the eve of your Hebrew Final.



Yeah.

Rejoice for God is with Us!

The cost was counted twice over and the action began.

I choose a life of love and obedience. The questions that brought me to this point were recently raised by my love. I realized that my mind was split between obedience and love. I thought in order to obey the calling on my life I had to sacrifice investing in relationships. I also thought to a point that if I invested in too many relationships too much I'd be unable to obey the call on my life effectively. I went so long thinking this way I became callously miserable. I was busy counting the cost between two things that actually do not compete in the dichotomy I understood.

The answer to this mess I've made is quiet simple. The greatest commandment is to love God with all of who you are and love neighbor as yourself. In the Christian life loving God is as natural as breathing. This love for God has and will call you to obedience. Like Elisha you may be called to heal an enemy (2 Kings 5), maybe you will go before people you love and tell them of a coming calamity like Jeremiah (Jeremiah 1), you could be called lead a numerous people like Moses or Joshua (Exodus 3, Deuteronomy 34), you may find yourself leading your family to the unknown like Abraham (Genesis 17) you may face giants like Joshua or David (Numbers 13, 1 Samuel 17), regardless of what you are specifically called to do at any given moment you are called to do this in love.

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries, and all knowledge; and have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not love, it profits me nothing. ----1 Corinthians 13:1-3

All of the acts of faith that you or I could do in obedience amount to noise without love. You and I could have such a fearless faith that the mountains are removed leaving a gash deeper than the Grand Canyon, but if there is no love to and from us, we amount to nothing. I could sacrifice all of me, but without love the flames profit me nothing.  I could spend decades obeying God to the word but if I have not love it is all emptiness. A void of action. A black-hole faith that consumes me and all those around me until I collapse on myself.

It is shocking how quickly we can hurt one another if we do not love and obey God. All of our relationships and the actions therein can only be couched in God if we expect life out of them. To place myself outside of the love of God is to certainly die. To love God is to be found in hope. A sure hope.

Therefore being justified through faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through who we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we  stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. ----Romans 5:1-5 

Friends, we have been called to love. We have been called to love God. We forgive because we have been forgiven. We are patient because he first shows patience. We love, because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

Love and serve God and you will find yourself loving the work of Him who created. You will learn to love others as yourself.

We love, because He first loved us.

Blessings