I'll go for a Hike

Be thoughtful when you make a promise.

Only two years ago, I wrote my most energetic piece on this blog. It began with a summary of the summer, and concluded with the anticipation and arrival of my seminary education. I will not rehash the whole post (It was written Sept. 2012 titled "My Soul Sings") but I hope that you can take the time to read where I was then, before you go further in to this post. The anticipation I had then has since grown into thankfulness in most every way save for the ability knowledge can lend to the birth of half true fictions I write in my own mind.

I began this final year with a raggedness. The summer was full of classes both as a student and a teacher. Thanks to friends who know how to do road trips and come out to see their cooped up monk I can say that I did not lose my summer to unmemorable classroom landscapes. The difficulty was not the work nor the learning. The raggedness came from the whole point of this education. Before beginning this formal degree I had already learned the importance of identifying and assessing intentions and the formation of deepening habits. Education is most definitely not benign. To go with this I have recently been reminded that knowledge is sociologically held (meaning groups of people determine their character through shared habits). Language, verbally and kinetically communicate the depth and nature of our shared knowledge. I blog, because the agreement indirectly stated by my generation is that this medium is maybe the best way to share insights without too much academic distance (I'm not good at this). The group of a local church has its own habits and implied agreements about knowledge. My raggedness comes from the realization that the group I have been working within is not the same group I had perceived it to be.

The group asks that any who desire to lead it be knowledgable. Any good group will strive to have its teachers actually knowledgable. The danger in this is that the teacher will interact with knowledge beyond the group's dogma, agreed tenets of orthodox knowledge that we use to maintain the group. I will try to be less vague. I do not limit my reading to the local group's shelves. Actually, I have read very little of the group's shelves, because most of it is just a sad reiteration of an idea that was stated more boldly centuries earlier. So, off I went weekly to march off to the fountains of knowledge not realizing that as I was marching I was leaving the domain of my small group. Curiosity, the energy behind academic and faithful research, is a gift given to the few who dare to ask questions. Curiosity is the first habit learned as one embarks on education. If you are not curious you will settle at the first nice worldview you come about on any given topic.



Imagine it this way. Three people are at the Grand Canyon. The first comes to the rim and says "Wow! I will build my ranch here" (I have to admit I would love to have a ranch on the rim...) This one immediately begins work on his building and incorporates that first view he had into the design of his home. He will always "have" this view. The second man sees the same view and decides to investigate a little more, I mean that first guy is already building and frankly he was kind of annoying with his sureness. So this second man spends a few months exploring the immediate region. He makes and breaks camp occasionally and at the end has a short list of great spots. He picks one to build on, but will still visit the old campsites for weekends and even use the opportunity to teach others how to explore productively. Finally, there is the third man. He's young like the others and just as amazed by the view as the others. His amazement impresses the image of the canyon deep into his mind. He never forgets that first view, and it is from this memory that his curiosity propels him to go down, around, up, out, and maybe beyond the canyon. He's "irresponsible" for never setting himself to the practical issues at hand, seriously who can tolerate a life of unsettledness. Look at this third one, he does not even think of build a house let alone make much of a camp! He's too curios to spend much time seeing to his own preferences. He strikes out into a wild canyon. He spends his time trying to scramble up rocks just to get another view. He gets lost. The other two see no purpose to his wandering, they say he is aimless and eventually, if he does not die out there, he'll be back thankful they had built these sturdy homes.

I am going to come back to this story.

The education we pursue is not solely to our own benefit. No education worth the pain and investment is just a checklist we need to fulfill in order to get a job. Curiosity is not invested in asking the question "Is this practical?" It is much too busy asking "What the heck is that?!" and "Does it fit with this other thing I have seen?!"

Coming near the end of my time in seminary I realize that my learning is again beginning. A chapter may again be completed, but the story continues as long as we welcome the opportunity to ask questions with boldness.

Back to the story, admitting I have lived as all three men.

Years pass and the first two men stay in touch. They do not know what has become of the third man. We know that he has been all over the place. He had more than his fair share of encounters with rattlesnakes, and mountain goats. He wears the tooth of a mountain lion he nearly lost to. His boots are long forgotten, and blueness of his shirt has faded to a grey streakiness. His stories of the canyon are many. He knowns how smell moves in the wind and uses this to advantage. He had nearly died a few times. He swam in the river below and even saw the life cycle of fish down there. He wears the canyon dust all over. For the memory of his friends he is moved to go back to them. He goes back to that first spot on the rim, scrambling up heedless of the now well tramped trail made by others. He comes to the unfamiliar clearing and sees his two companions eating lunch together and laughing about something. He hails them and they don't recognize him. Who is this that smells and wears rags? What's that around that neck. He must be....oh that's him. Wow he's changed. Meanwhile our wanderer realizes he's changed in the eyes of his friend. The question is now they recognize him will they welcome him to their table? Time in the canyon is not benign.

On a personal level I am beginning to understand this outline to be a bit of my story. I am coming closer to a settled place and I do not exactly fit in. This was the place that sent me out with the promise of reception after I decided to come back in. I cannot complete this story at the moment, because I'm not sure if my dusty self is welcome in the cleanness of my companions' settlement. Frankly I begin to wonder if I even want to be there, because the welcome was not as I expected. It's awkward these days. I hate triumphal speech these days. It seems to only drive me closer to a sense of defeat. Go ahead an wave your banners I do not want to be there to see them. I'd rather go back down into the canyons among the pine groves and raging rivers of a history you've left unexplored, untried, and untold.

 

Faith Desires Sight

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VI5pz5MWaYU&feature=youtu.be

This was my second time preaching in class. Still have some work to do with presence and voice.  I very much enjoyed this opportunity and thought I would share with you my readers.

The passage is Mark 10:46-52

Apologies if the audio is poor.

Grasping for something

Better is life together.

To my seminary friends understand this is not keen academics nor does it aim to be. Any great insight stated here is not my own intellect as if I could contribute something new under the sun.
To my reader may these words bless you. They have blessed me in their writing. Thank you.

Community, organization, friendship, clique, group, congregation, and fellowship all of these and those like them encapsulate the activity of relationship. We know the ups and downs of relationships, but do we seek the root of why or what relationship is? I have written a bit already about loneliness on this blog. So, yes, to a point relationship is an answer to a great wound I and most others suffer. I recommend Henri Nouwen's The Wounded Healer for a reflection on loneliness (his shorter piece Out of Solitude is good too). Not dwelling on ground all too familiar to this author the point is that understanding the reality of loneliness in my life has moved me to pursue relationship and understand it.

Starting from the point at which I want relationship -loneliness- the question of what relationship. What is the purpose of relationship? Awareness of language comes to the fore in relationship. Body language, verbal language, cultural language. Is the other person smiling or holding pursed lips? What words does he use in his sentence? What shared realities does he allude or point to? Language is more than spelling tests and grammar. It is cultural mores, practices, and traditions. Relationship is my living in the midst of "culture language" with others through the use of verbal, bodily, and time. Stick with me.

The verbal language is straightforward. You and I share the wonderful phenomenon known as English. My Times New Roman script makes sense to my eyes because I learned their form and meaning. Same with the phonetic sounds and to boot I got the midwestern dialect with its "ain't"s and "what not"s. The verbal language is nuanced and largely inherited. Nevertheless it is somewhat malleable. Bodily language is very fluid, and yet more difficult discern than verbal language. The realization with bodily language is the limitedness of my existence. I occupy 5'4" of vertical space and this world is huge. I can express myself with a strong stance or a timid cowering. Either way I communicate a bit of myself through how I occupy space. I could stay in the midwest or I could travel. Either way I express and live in occupied space. So language is both verbal and spatial. Combine these two with the passage of time and well you have History.

Thanks for letting me run down that trail a bit. Language is more than what we speak. Relationship is language with other human beings. Notwithstanding the question of why relationship remains. Were I only a consumer than relationship would be my consuming the language of other people. To a degree this is what I do in relationship. I consume the verbal and bodily language of others when I listen to them, but what is the point if all I do is listen? Language is a constant active and passive participation. Consuming is only one aspect of that participation. Relationship is also active impact on others. To identify another as friend or enemy is to be aware of and invested in their lives. Relationship fosters my identity and the identities of others. It does not create identity, but draws identity out of loneliness. Within relationship one contributes tangibly to the drawing out of identity of another. The turn from passive consumer to active relationship is a desire born out of loneliness.  The end of that desire grounded in hope if one is actually going to act on it.

Here is the why of relationship. The hope on which we actively participate in relationship is our why. Geez that took forever to get to! Thank you for reading this far.

If our hope is to no longer be lonely than a closed consumerism will result. It won't matter what occupies the place of the other with whom we relate. This is in part why the television is such a successful technology. Alone in a room silence is a constant reminder of loneliness. Add a television to that room and it might not matter what is on so long as it is on. The hope is to break the silence and thus break loneliness. Unfortunately loneliness is not broken if silence is broken. One can be lonely in the midst of thousands of people. To hope only for an alleviation of loneliness lacks the depth necessary to actually participate in relationships. As an aside I conclude that loneliness will follow me wherever I go in this state I am in. A hope in culture also seems to amount to a hope in the collective work of lonely people. That is unless the culture is grounded in a hope wholly other than itself yet intrinsic to its existence. With a wink and a nod I point to the Holy.

Our "culture language, relationship, and even our loneliness is put in the service of the Holy when our hope is grounded in the Holy.

This entry is the beginnings of a series of entries. I would like to continue writing about this and other thoughts. Feel free to comment and I will reply. Better is life together.

Blessings

Let us be Humble

The Lord kindly asks for your excellence.

I think Christians, myself included of course, often confuse two terms in relation to how our excellence is in fact God's excellence. These terms are humbleness and self-effacement. The former being an part of the Spirit's work in our lives and the latter being our independent attempt at that same work. We cannot live humbly if we ground ourselves in our own pride and boasting which is exactly what self-effacement is.

Confession, I have embodied a self-effacing attitude for a few seasons in my life. During these I struggle to accept any kind word without some kind of internal critique of what the person just said. I would often look on the success of others with simultaneous envy and denial. I would not deny the fact that this other person was successful; that was what the envy was for. No, I denied that I could actually achieve a similar level of success in my life's endeavors. Basically I would see my peers as the success stories I wanted, but knew I could never join in. Self-effacement was a flat denial of any kind of good capable of coming from my work. If you have read Ecclesiastes you may have an idea of what this can look like in a broad way. Vanity of vanities! All is vanity. If everything is vanity than that must mean I am vain too. (Vain: adjective, producing no result, having no meaning, synonym= futile). Self-effacement is the practice of a vain life by convincing yourself there is no meaning to be declared. Yes, that has been an issue in my life, a Christian seminarian who looks forward to the day he might receive a call to a local church. I have my days where Ecclesiastes is actually more invigorating than the coffee in my cup. I know I'm a little strange, but let's move on. Vanity is usurped by grace and simultaneously the habit of self-effacement is given up for the more truthful practice of humbleness.

First, grace brings in contentment (contentment: noun, state of satisfaction, synonym=fulfillment). The beauty of this grace is that it is extended from Holy God! This same God who began by extending grace to Israel out of Egypt and covenanted with them. This same God who continued to extend grace to King David and his family line. This same God who made the covenant open to all who would believe that through the final sacrifice of Jesus Christ all are brought out of death into life. This same God who poured his Spirit on to His church that it might pray that His will be done. Grace is contentment in this God. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

God's grace brings us meaning.

"I am Who I am." Ex. 3:14. Often I read this to mean at this point in history God was saying get over it Moses I am who I am and you cannot do anything about this. That will prove my authority enough for the time being. Then I was taught and kinda sorta learned enough Hebrew to know there is much more going on here in Exodus. God's name is witness to His continuous action. When people asked what is his name? They were asking not only for his name; Joe, but also the authority of or definition of this person. Asking for a name was somewhat like asking for their resume today. Because God's name is "I am Who I am (continuously)" then it follows that God's authority is His own holiness. So what?!  Now it is pretty cool what God does. God extends grace to His people over and over again because God is faithful. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Our meaning is to Laud His name above all names (Laud: verb, praise highly in a public context, synonym= extol). We Laud Him by accepting the grace he extends to us. We praise him in our contentment in the life he leads us to. He guides us into a life of humbleness. We are held dear by the Lord. He has for us excellence. This excellence is not only for our own self, but for His name's sake. His outpouring of grace brings us into right relationship with Him. Our excellence is provided by His grace. Can you tell yet that I am trying to say something, but lack the ability to? Good, it's not just me. Our contentment, righteousness, and worship are all consequences of God's grace. There it is. Worship of and prayer to God are practices in humbleness.

We are excellent in God's grace.

Go then, eat your bread in happiness and drink your wine with a cheerful heart; for God has already approved your works. Let your clothes be white all the time, and let not oil be lacking on your head. Ecclesiastes 9:7-8

Our humbleness does not hide the excellence God is forming us to be. Humbleness is our submission to the work of God in our lives, and naming Him as our potter. Yeah, the excellence is seen and the maker is lauded for it. That is most excellent.

Deus Vobiscum

Hear, hear!

In the midst of the chaos I did not have the opportunity to give Ryan and Amanda Carlock the traditional best man toast at their reception. As I was saying my goodbyes a few of the members of Ryan's family asked that I write out and make available what I had prepared. As a disclaimer I usually have just an outline for these sort of public speeches and due to this habit it is difficult if not impossible for me to repeat exactly what I would have said or even how I would have delivered this toast without that context. I want to respect the request that came from Ryan's family. So read at your leisure.


Friends and family, thank you for coming and witnessing with me the marriage of a very close friend. Some of you may have been wondering who I was as I stood amongst this very tall wedding party. My name is Vince Cutrona and I have known Ryan since we were seven and eight years old (yes we were closer in height back then, but he shot up quickly).


I lived next door to Ryan and the Carlock family through elementary school and during this time each of our living-rooms became extensions of the other's home (we eventually learned to just walk-in and stop with the doorbells). We would watch DBZ, draw, jump on the trampoline(trying to see how high my little brother Louis would go), find old spandex to squeeze in to, eat copious amounts of cookies (I learned to grab them fast and with authority) and play one too many videogames when Friday rolled around and we could sleep over. And while our homes sat so close together on Pennyroyal Lane there was one distinct difference the Carlock household was loud and the perfect place to watch the Notre Dame football games and the Cutrona household was quiet and the perfect place to reflect on the events going on around you. The Carlocks would move when we reached middle school, but just a little ways down the road and what had started as a friendship between two boys became a friendship shared between their families too. We did not skip a single beat and we came by constantly when we finally got our own driver's licenses anyway.


When high school graduation came around we went off to do new things in different places, but at every Christmas break our families would get together for new year's and in the summer we'd still shoot off fireworks on the 4^th. Ryan has grown up a lot since we met, but he keeps his humor close (yes, I was the one who watched Dumb and Dumber with him five times in one day). I cannot share every story I have of Ryan and the Carlocks. What I can share is this; Ryan and I grew up as brothers and we are still learning what that means even today.


Amamda, he is not perfect (you hopefully knew this already) but he is genuine. I hope that I can get to know you on the level I know Ryan's family. I hope you feel welcome by the Cutronas too.


To you both, thank you for giving me a front row seat (you know I need it) to witnessing your wedding. May this be a strong beginning to your marriage. May the family and friends here be a strong support to your marriage. I pray you have many stories with laughter and tears. Sit quietly in the grace of our Lord together and act on his Word. Be blessed Mr. and Mrs. Carlock.



Cheers!  

Front Door

Eschatology is quickly becoming my favorite theological sub-field. It is the study of the end. Eschatology, the word, is the combination of two Greek words, εσχατος which is an adjective meaning last or in regards to time, the end. (Middle Liddell) The second word is λογος which is best understood here to mean thought. Eschatology is the thought of the end. So to ask if there is an end or in what way will the end come or even what will the end actually end? These are eschatological questions. The answers we have to these questions are hugely influential in the way we live today. In my experience and reflections I have found we live in direct consequence to our eschatological beliefs. This entry will illustrate a bit of why I enjoy this field and where I may go in it in subsequent entries.

Human history tells me that my lifespan will be painfully short compared to the roughly 5000 year timetable established by known written record (please note this comment has nothing to do with the age of the Earth it simply looks at the human written record THANKS). In that time civilizations have been built on the backs of great cities, religions, and armies. Those same civilizations have been toppled by other greater civilizations with other armies, cities, and religions. Summerian, Egyptian, Maya, Shang, Babylonian, Persian, Qin, Greek, and you know the rest right? Maybe you've read about the fall of the Abbasid capital, Baghdad to the Mongols in 1258? You could have read about the show down between Athens and Sparta in the 5th century BC. You could even have a good grasp of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and/or Teddy Roosevelt and we could agree that great men have come before us. When you look at these civilizations, events and men I hope you see that despite the monuments these have all come to an end. We may still invoke the Rough Rider's spirit or even explore the language of Plato (it's not as crazy as it sounds) but in doing so we confess that something or someone of consequence came before us. If we are humble enough that confession will lead us to believe that other events and people of consequence will come after us. I digress though. In the midst of human history we will sometimes find hope for today, but if we look to closely or for too long we may see our own mortality. It is our reaction to our own mortality that gives detail to our eschatological beliefs.

Yesterday I tuned in to watch a bit of the National Geographic channel. I have always enjoyed paging through the magazine and figured the televised form would be as good. I was lucky enough to tune in while the channel was airing a show called Doom's Day Preppers. The premise of the show is that the people on the show have spent extraordinary amounts of time, energy, and money in preparing for big bad events like EMPs, solar flares, big floods, zombies, or the neighbor coming over asking for another stick of butter (okay we only do that here at my house). Seriously though these families take their six year olds to the shooting range, forgo vacation plans, build castles out of cinder blocks, and fire 19th century cannons in gas masks in their spare time. After I rolled my eyes for the upteenth time and finally changed the channel I asked my dad why we did not have a bomb shelter. We both agreed life was better spent in human relationship where we had to learn to trust those around us like our neighbor who never seems to buy enough (or any) butter. The people on that show display a very common interpretation of our mortality. You only live once. You better do it all now because after this life you just sit in the ground for a few months and decay. Make your impact now, go on that adventure now, because you may be dead tomorrow. The s*&t could really hit that fan tomorrow so be ready for it if you want to continue living. Learn to shoot a gun because your neighbor will want more than butter from you then. An eschatology that starts with fear manifests in both the bizarre preppers we see on tv and the arrested potential all around us.

Fear halts genuine communication. If this is it and you only get what you get here out of life than of course you fear the end. You have no idea when it is coming or in what way. You could go down guns blazing against a horde of fiery zombie spike-beasts that have no eyes (highly unlikely though). Maybe you'll grow old and pass in your sleep. No amount of material preparing can prevent the black cloak from coming to your door. For now I hope my neighbor needs more baking goods because I enjoy the conversation.      

Our Greatest Wound

Brother and Sisters,

I will not lie to you this post was prompted by my reflections on Henri Nouwen's The Wounded Healer. I have read this book a number of times over the past 4 years and the last chapter is the sharpest blade to have cut into my pride save the scriptures. Needless to say I recommend the book to all of you and as a bonus it is only 100 pages long! Seriously though you should consider reading it.

Now where were we?

Loneliness ah yes!

Loneliness will always find us. Our days can be plagued with attempts at quelling the lonely reality we inhabit. Maybe we call, text, refresh facebook, or plan hours and hours of experiences with friends. Fellowship is good, but it cannot overcome our loneliness. At some point we all must face a lonely hour, maybe this has not happened to you. Let me share with you part of mine.

One year ago I lived off campus with three close friends. The house we rented was large enough for four to comfortably inhabit. We cooked, cleaned, sang, worked, lounged, and lived basically together. In that house there were more hours spent together (with at least one other housemate) than there were hours spent in solitude. That solitude inevitably came though and with it came the brunt of my loneliness.

In that solitude came self-worth issues, and even tears. You see I have a knack for over-thinking in my loneliness I became my only topic. Those doubts you have of yourself are quite loud in the silence of loneliness. Hours feel like days and you are exhausted when they are over.

Why not go find someone or something to fill those hours of solitude Vince? You may be asking this question by now, and believe me when I say I asked that question constantly. For a while I told myself it was not a big deal to be the only one home. Later I learned that it was a small part of my role in for the house and my housemates. Being the first one home meant I could make sure the door was opened for my brothers. It is what we do with the reality of our loneliness that matters.

Maybe you still deny loneliness convincing yourself that you really only need that perfect man or woman to like you to no longer feel this nagging pest. Maybe you think you only need to pray more. Maybe you think if you were busier you'd be happier and less lonely. Read this next statement carefully. Loneliness is guaranteed to us until God's redemption is fully realized.

In our loneliness we come face to face with ourselves. Our vices, virtues, past, present, and the unsure future. It is frightening to see it all walk before you like that. We have a hope though. A hope that our loneliness can be redeemed not into some pity party, but that God can heal us and others by it.

As Henri Nouwen put it our loneliness gives us the ability to withdraw from a space of ours and let others enter and make of it what they can. We give space to others to explore and learn. We don't have to be addressed to know that we are loved. You see, because at the end of your loneliness you will find that Jesus is there. He smiles and embraces you then sends you out with his love.

So go.
Go tell of your loneliness.
Go tell of your sins.
Tell of your pride and arrogance.
Tell of your hope and love.
Tell of your Lord.
Then withdraw and wait and see what comes to the Lord.

Blessings

Small Perspective

These are a collection of writings that I first wrote down between 2 and 5 years ago.

I pray they do for you what they have done for me both now and then.

Obsession

Starts small and insignificant.
Dwell upon it for a while.
Leave it and let it grow.
Come back to it and enjoy it some more.
Subconsciously try and attain your obsession.
Wake up and be captured by it.
Dwell on it until it become viable.
Consciously try to attain it.
Sell out to have your obsession.
View time as your enemy.
Attain your desire.
Find a new desire.

Obsession is a vicious cycle of misplaced love.

What love does to you.

Love commands you! It takes you by your ankles and swings you around and then holds you there for a while. Yes at times you may get sick. Sometimes love is quiet and waits for you to make a move. God is love but love is not God all of the time. Love is timeless and yet always in the present. The most unusual attribute we can put to love is its universality. When God takes your heart you will be shaped to be more like Christ. This to me says you will begin to love those on the fringe. It is not a love born out of sympathy, but it is a love that simply loves the person for who they are. God's grace is sufficient enough for all that accept Him as Lord. The question remains can we as believers show God's love in our actions?

Honesty

Honesty can explain your first thought with tact. Brutality is blunt and hurtful. Honesty builds trust in a relationship. Brutality shatters a part of the relationship. With trust comes a sense of peace and a foundation for love to grow. Wisdom comes from the honest thinker/leader/doer. A wise person knows enough to know that knowing is not enough. It is true that works will not save us from hell, but what is this life really for? Life is to honor God in honest worship of our loving God. We will not always get it right. However we must remember that we are examples and are the salt and light of this world. Let's bring the good out to love and honor our God. Let us thank him for his grace with our works. Let us start with love and honesty.

Beauty

We are bombarded with images of pseudo beauty. We are so battered by this bombardmwnt that we mistake glamour (beauty's twice removed cousin) for true beauty. Beauty is not simply form, like glamour is. Beauty is more about the function and purpose of a person or thing and based on how well that person or thing fits and thrives. When that person fits and thrives beauty is most fully seen. The sad story is beauty is largely ignored. We say things like, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." We make beauty relative to ourselves. I believe beauty is, and the beholders out there are for the most part blind to it. Beauty is not a scantly clad cheerleader to be gawked at. No, beauty is so much more than that. Beauty is a 50th anniversary surrounded by children and grandchildren. Beauty is saying everything without opening your mouth. Beauty is stepping out of the spotlight to wipe the tears from your friend's eyes. Beauty is the cross and the rolled back stone. Beauty fits.

You are beautiful.

An Ode to all those

To you who will never be in the history books and even to those who are, may we never forget the one who strengthens us.

To you who weep, may you find solace in a friend.
To you who fight, may you cease to hate.
To you who are indifferent, may you be moved to passionate living.
To you who gripe about insignificant matters, may you construct a significant solution to share with all.
To you who wander this world, may you find peace every night.
To you who are too small, may that never stop you from achieving your dreams.
To you who already follow Christ, may you draw nearer to him each day.
To you in authority, may you  always remember your responsibility.
To you who suffers, may you never forget Him who suffered first.

A Personal Aside

Commonly, people assume I am tired. It must be something in my eyes. Sure from time to time they are right, but usually not. I carry my internal dialogue externally. That's good if it is recognized for what it is. Maybe I need to let people in more than I am now. Lord I ask that you provide time and relationships in my life to address this weariness I carry. All this in your name.
   Amen

Enough of the Noise

Connect.
I am unlimited.

These are two mantras used by a new advertisement selling me a cellphone and a data plan to go with it. People want and need connection. To know and feel wanted and loved. Whether you are introverted or extroverted is not the issue here. We are all of us wired for relationship. Our most prized inventions of the age are geared towards creating connections. This keyboard, screen, server, and software all work together so that my small voice might have a place on this great public forum known as the internet. A series of lights, sounds, and code all go into making what I want to say legible to a wide audience of which you are included. Strange isn't it? You may not know who I am or what I look like but we have achieved something together be it small and mostly one-sided (granted you could leave a comment at the end and we could see what happens? I leave that up to you).

My goal with this blog is to get beyond just surface talk. In the past year or so I have had a rocky experience with technology. I logged off of facebook for about two or three months last year and then went to work in a National Park for three more months which habituated me to phone calls and snail mail it was glorious! Having now been back in the land of wifi waves and colorful pixels I've been experiencing withdrawal effects. Friends, don't post on my wall or allow me to passively tell you how I have been through a few witty status updates. I don't and I won't.

I've known for some time now that I am most myself when my pen is to paper. I like the strain of a long letter on my right hand. It reminds me of the work a relationship takes even in the small acts. I like the smell of the ink. The sound of folding the paper in thirds to fit in the envelope which I taste so slightly that my work might make it to the intended destination unsoiled.

I work on relationships in my life. I am limited in my ability to connect not because I choose to be that way, but because I am simply finite. No phone, computer, or pen will change the fact that I cannot relate to all of you the way we both deserve. I have to choose who I will relate to in time, because I am nothing more than one singular person in one place.

I am trying something new yet old with some of my closest friends. This new practice will continue to grow and mature relationships. To grow and mature in relationships we have to stop asking ourselves what we will get out of a relationship, but how is this relationship changing us. We must contribute a piece of who we are in relationships if there is to be any meaning in it. Failing to do that will simply make us consumers of one another. We will literally suck the life out of one another. I cannot contribute to some forms of communication much anymore, because I resent the ease of it. The ease of facebook erases the joy and pain of relationships. I easily forget the physical distance circumstance has made for me and my friends when I am on facebook. I was not pained by the reality because the reality was I could just stare at their profile picture and remember a few good times we had together and feel as though we got it together. I want to work for my relationships and really feel the pain and joy that comes with them. This has led me to challenge my limited self to connect.

The challenge is to write and connect. This blog is only the surface of what is going on in my head. All of us attempt relationship and want to be wanted by others. Relationship is when a connection between people causes them to change one another. Relationship also highlights who people are already and accentuates the character of everyone involved. Relationship is an amazing force in all of our lives. Are you relating to people? Are you being transformed in your relationships? To what end are these transformations leading both of you? Reflect on these questions. Are you both pained and joyous in your relationships?

I am keeping this blog. I'll be on facebook little. I invite you to connect with one another. I challenge you to value your word and your relationships. I ask that you step away from the pixels now as I prepare to walk away from the keyboard and remember that you and I both have the opportunity to relate to those around us and dear to us. Be present.

Be Blessed  

The first semester of Seminary. We are only getting started people!

Finishing the three hour Church History Final on the eve of your Hebrew Final.



Yeah.

Rejoice for God is with Us!

The cost was counted twice over and the action began.

I choose a life of love and obedience. The questions that brought me to this point were recently raised by my love. I realized that my mind was split between obedience and love. I thought in order to obey the calling on my life I had to sacrifice investing in relationships. I also thought to a point that if I invested in too many relationships too much I'd be unable to obey the call on my life effectively. I went so long thinking this way I became callously miserable. I was busy counting the cost between two things that actually do not compete in the dichotomy I understood.

The answer to this mess I've made is quiet simple. The greatest commandment is to love God with all of who you are and love neighbor as yourself. In the Christian life loving God is as natural as breathing. This love for God has and will call you to obedience. Like Elisha you may be called to heal an enemy (2 Kings 5), maybe you will go before people you love and tell them of a coming calamity like Jeremiah (Jeremiah 1), you could be called lead a numerous people like Moses or Joshua (Exodus 3, Deuteronomy 34), you may find yourself leading your family to the unknown like Abraham (Genesis 17) you may face giants like Joshua or David (Numbers 13, 1 Samuel 17), regardless of what you are specifically called to do at any given moment you are called to do this in love.

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries, and all knowledge; and have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not love, it profits me nothing. ----1 Corinthians 13:1-3

All of the acts of faith that you or I could do in obedience amount to noise without love. You and I could have such a fearless faith that the mountains are removed leaving a gash deeper than the Grand Canyon, but if there is no love to and from us, we amount to nothing. I could sacrifice all of me, but without love the flames profit me nothing.  I could spend decades obeying God to the word but if I have not love it is all emptiness. A void of action. A black-hole faith that consumes me and all those around me until I collapse on myself.

It is shocking how quickly we can hurt one another if we do not love and obey God. All of our relationships and the actions therein can only be couched in God if we expect life out of them. To place myself outside of the love of God is to certainly die. To love God is to be found in hope. A sure hope.

Therefore being justified through faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through who we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we  stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. ----Romans 5:1-5 

Friends, we have been called to love. We have been called to love God. We forgive because we have been forgiven. We are patient because he first shows patience. We love, because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19)

Love and serve God and you will find yourself loving the work of Him who created. You will learn to love others as yourself.

We love, because He first loved us.

Blessings

 

 

   

 

Present Integrity

The courage to be a person of integrity is a beautiful struggle in which we are molded constantly.

It would be a disservice to you and myself if I simply gave you the "definition"of integrity and said now go do this.  Instead I'll attempt to illustrate truth and integrity in relationships.  Before going further it is fair to admit that this post is a response to my reflections on Gordon Smith's book Courage and Calling: Embracing Your God-Given Potential. If this post inspires you to dive into more personal reflection on integrity and the courage to live with it I refer you to this work now.

Integrity is made known in relationships; be they business, sexual, familial, spiritual, friendly, or hateful. In relationships we reveal what we make time for, what we pretend to be, and what we really are to ourselves and others.  The past two months I have had a great opportunity to reevaluate my relationships and the integrity reflected in them.  I am in a new dating relationship.  I am also in a new seminary environment where I seem to be meeting new people everyday.  Lastly I have the glorious task of maintaining relationships from so many different places.  Integrity is revealed in relationship we make time for.

Integrity is evident to ourselves when we live out our convictions with generosity, honesty, and joy.

Currently I am in what most people call a long distance dating relationship.  I get to make time in my day to talk to, be it over skype, phone, or email, a sister in Christ who has chosen to invest her life with me while I do likewise (my integrity let's me freely confess my disdain for the titles "girlfriend" and "boyfriend"though maybe one day I will write a post reclaiming the depth and importance of committing to a relationship that most call "dating").  I act honestly in this relationship which allows me not to force a conversation but simply enjoy a lingering silence over the phone as we contemplate together what we have just said to one another.  In honesty I can say I was wrong to have broken a promise, and stand vulnerable waiting for forgiveness from her.  In honesty I can communicate my other commitments be they personal or academic and fulfill them which typically means for the time being "apart" from her.  Yeah and then I get to honestly say I love her and know that this is communicated as we talk, and sit in mutual silence with one another as we grow closer together.  I can vent, confess, rest, and joyfully be in relationship with her, because I can be me in my weakness and strength with her.  I admit that we are growing in relationship and therefore are learning what it means to love more and more as we grow.  Yes we are ignorant, but not stagnant or flippant about what we and God are doing in and through us.

We've all met new people before. Whether we move to a new town, find a new job, or simply interact with a complete stranger; there is some kind of excitement about introducing ourselves.  Now some like introducing themselves in large groups while others you meet in a large group but won't really see their integrity until you make it a point to knock on their door.  I generally fall in the latter of the two groups which means in general it takes about a month for me to really settle somewhere and make connections with people. Its good to understand this about myself because it calms what could be a very anxious time in my life whenever I move.  I can be myself in a new place and unapologetically so.  I will admit my faults and in doing so admit that I am not perfect and should not be expected to be so.  Similarly I won't expect perfection from you.  The beauty is in doing so we both maintain our integrity and are free to be ourselves; faults and strengths equally.  In maintaining my quite, retrospective, joyful, integrity I pray that I am making space for other to maintain their own integrity.  It was common for me to feel inadequate in new environments especially academic ones.  In this state I would act defensively and remain aloof and concentrate almost solely on my studies.  I was a student to a fault.  I still struggle with this even in seminary but it is getting better.  I cannot be myself without relationship.  You cannot be yourself without relationship try it and you will see or better yet learn from my experience.  Understand that loneliness will present itself in your life if it has not already, but never believe the lie that you are forever alone.  Integrity, honesty, genuine love bring relationship.  New relationships bring us opportunity to refresh our determination to be honest and loving.  Current relationships keep us accountable to being honest and loving.

One of my greatest joys is calling home. My family has proved to be the most constant and consistent conversation and accountability in my life.  My family knows me better than I know myself most of the time.  Whether explicit or implicit in our conversations my family reminds me of where I have been and what I am presently doing.  Our relationship has transformed as we all get older.  I still obey my parents in situations but those situations have drastically reduced as my responsibilities increase.  Rather than being a dependent I am interdependent on the experience my parents bring with them.  Whether I ask my dad for advice in a possible car purchase or my mom about a recipe they have become more and more a brother and sister in Christ.  My younger brother has become a thoughtful and strong young man who is learning to wrestle with the interdependence relationships in Christ create.  It is great to talk to and hear from and be convicted by his faith. I do not thank God enough for them.

With this in mind I want to pose questions to you that I am beginning to ask myself.

Do you give space for people to act according to their integrity?
Do you engage in business (ie purchasing choices) with integrity and purchase with your convictions or strictly with the dollar in mind?
Are you acting in fear or are you genuine?

These questions won't make you perfect.  They are not supposed to.  These questions are posed with the hope that you will begin to understand a bit of what it means to live presently with yourself and others who are imperfect. In living this way you and others can begin to become more interdependent on one another's strengths not in the name of advancement but in the cause of community.

This is really just the tip of the iceberg.  Brothers and Sisters when we have integrity together so does our community: the Church.  Our integrity comes in relationship with one another and with the Father and Son through the Spirit. Pray, meditate, read, walk, eat, labor, drink, commune with one another and God.  Be people of integrity not for your sake alone, but for the sake of those around you and your Creator who knows you more than you could imagine.

Blessings and Peace from God as are presently.

Great Aunt Loraine

I am writing in the days following a funeral that I did not attend, but felt the impact of 900 miles away.

My Great Aunt Loraine passed away last week. The last time I had seen and heard from her was Christmas last year.  I did not know her well, but I always appreciated her stories and her consistency in the midst of an inconsistent extended family.  She was my grandma's sister.  I called my grandma this weekend after the funeral and though the call was short she said she was happy that her sister had a full life.  This is a profound statement.  You see you probably never knew my Great Aunt Loraine and oddly enough some of you reading this entry do not know me either. Most will read this and say this is nice and then go on to the next blog, because we are addicted to this kind of reading experience.  But again I heard my grandma say about her sister; she had a full life. There is profound truth in this.

You ought not think that a full life is the heroic life. Most of you did not know my Great Aunt Loraine, but her life was full. She was a daughter, sister, wife, mother, aunt, grandmother, and great aunt. All of who I know Great Aunt Loraine as has something to do with relationships.  Of course my being a great nephew I really only knew her through family ties. It's my conviction that one should not casually forget their family though.  This is because it is with our family that we practice most clearly who we are in relationship.  If we are manipulative or selfish in relation to our family how could anyone expect us to act differently outside of our family?  Likewise if we are loving and encouraging in our family it would follow that we would be loving and encouraging beyond our family.

Her life was full.  I believe that the most fundamentally real thing is relationship.  I say this because I believe in and know the Triune God.  As part of this reality I believe that the Triune God created all that there is through  and by itself (please forgive some of the strange wording if you have questions please email me or leave a comment I'll be happy to explain further by whatever means is most helpful for you). So the highest reality that I live in is one in which God- Father, Son, and Holy Spirit- displays the perfection of relationship and by working in human events has in fact invited all of us to live in and be a part of that perfect unity. In short because the Triune God is such because of the perfection of relationship between the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and invites us all to join in that I can say that the ultimate reality we can live in is in relationship with God and one another.

Her life was full.  I know this not by any virtue or merit she may have achieved. Those are blessings she received and forwarded on to the next generation.  No her life was full because she was and still is in relationship with God and those that live on now.  Great Aunt Loraine.

Friends, Sisters, and Brothers, we make choices in our relationships each and everyday.  We choose to begrudge, slander, encourage, praise, love, hate, be apathetic or empathetic to one another.  We make judgements.  My hope is that you begin to see your life as growing in fullness as you relate to those around you.  That you would not only see those around you as holy, but also yourself and God. Sister and Brothers be holy, because that is in reality what you are not by any virtue you have within yourself but by virtue of God's gracious relationship.

Her life was full and continues to be.

I pray that yours is too.

Blessings in Christ Jesus the Son of the Father who by the Spirit makes life full.

A cone for a hat?

The great thing about going to a new place is to be reminded of all the life you've lived before you came to this new place.

Maybe I am overly materialistic in my memory, but I associate past stories with certain things I own. For example I have this "old-man" style grey hat that I like to wear in the rain.  I purchased this hat in Dublin, Ireland with 8 friends from my study abroad semester in Israel. There is a story behind that hat. I have this beat up field watch and at least once a week this summer a co-worker of mine would bring up my watch and it was a conversation starter. I have a mug I bought on a whim with a friend on a day trip to Chicago. Another mug was given as a wedding party gift. A friend gave me a bowl he made that  I had eaten out of during my senior year at Calvin. I have a braid of leather that constantly reminds me of one of my closest relationships.  Why you might ask do I bother to list off all of these things if the stories seem to be distant or over?

I do not believe these stories are over. I can still be the best-man my friend asked me to be almost two years ago now. I can always declare my love for all the people involved in these stories.  You see I do not collect things for the sake of the static thing. No I have trouble letting go of certain things because of the stories associated with them. I want to remember the people and relationships. That's what really matters.  Sure it is great to keep my hat warm and dry with my old hat, but I really like sharing the story of the hat. I can start by sharing my frustration of having a defective radio on a plane that was supposed to take me home after 3.5 months of study and then move on to the joy of being cold on a double-decker bus with 8 great friends in the middle of Dublin where it was too dark to get good pictures of anything but them. Yeah I like that story.

Every good story has opposition for the protagonist to overcome. When we move to new places or if we go to an old place in a new state the opposition isan assumed identity. The question here in school typically goes like this, "What's your name? Where are you from? What are you studying?" In a subtle way the opposition has already begun. These may not be the questions you need to be asked to properly introduce yourself. I say I am from Indiana, but the last time I lived there for more than a week was nearly two years ago. And instead of asking me what am I studying wouldn't it be more interesting to hear of the passions that brought both of us here?  The opposition faced is to sell your story short and forget the opposition already overcome. Wouldn't be sad if you simply forgot all of your past? Sure there are parts we may not mind forgetting, but even those moments have shaped us into who we are now.  Our whole story reveals both the breadth and limits of our identity. By knowing the breadth of our identity we know what we are capable of and in knowing our present limits we are challenged to stretch our hands out.  We cannot know our challenging limits without remembering the past oppositions already overcome. Story can only be such when it has continuity.

It is my firm belief that life is growing in love centered and exemplified by Christ Jesus. As we grow in love for Him we grow in love for those around us. We start small, maybe with our family or local church. We stay close to a place where Christ is clearly at the center and continually come back to him.  We may even be fearful of going beyond this small space. It was hard to comprehend living apart from my family in the weeks leading up to my move to college.  When we take that step beyond our limits to a new place we realize Christ is still with and loves us. That epiphany may come slowly at first, but it will. Then we seem that the breadth of our identity grows. We continue to be loved by Christ and can therefore love him and other rightly in this new place. In loving Christ and others in this new place we grow in our capacity to love.  The opposition calls us to retreat back to what is comfortable and to stay there. Christ calls us back to him who is the center and then sends us out again to defy the opposition of our stories with his love.  If you could please bear with my attempt at illustration.

Note the two solid lines of the cone. (Ever present limits)

There is also a dotted center line. The core of our identity. (Christ's Love)

The rotating line is an outline of our living presently.

As you may notice it is moving up and will continue to do so.

What I want to communicate to you is this. A life defined by Christ is one that is growing in its capacity to love and be loved. Do not forget your past brothers and sisters lest you bottom out. Likewise take up your present challenge to love the Lord and others. In this you will grow. You may even get a nice hat out of all of this.

Cheers!  

My Soul Sings

It has been much too long.  No seriously I have missed writing for all of you.  Much has happened and there is no way I could ever write about all of it for you, but I want you to understand that I have not been idle nor has God.

I started this summer committed to working in the Grand Canyon for 3 months.  I went through "A Christian Ministry in the National Parks" henceforth known as ACMNP, it's goofy when people pronounce this acronym. I was blessed to work with 15 students/grads who are my brothers and sisters in Christ. We had our victories and set-backs for sure, and God was at the center. We did sooooo much together. Some of us were charged by Mountain Sheep threatened by the Diamondback snake or faced another fear head on. There was a lot of growing within the team and we definitely learned how to love one another and those around us. Personally I was brought to a new level of surrender to God this summer.

I experienced in part what it means to be a teacher. I was privileged to see younger brothers and sisters grow in ministry through new experiences and responsibilities.  I would be a liar if I did not say this was difficult at times.  God was growing my capacity for patience.  Someone else gave me the same opportunities my brothers and sisters got at the Grand Canyon and it was part of my mission at the canyon to make those opportunities were available for them.  I talked a few of my co-laborers into sticking with their speaking engagements. Each team member was asked to preach in at least one service for about 8 to 12 minutes.  Some were more than hesitant in undertaking this task.  I in my own way came off as stubborn to a few and even though I never specifically said to them "You have to do this." I may as well had in my posture and tone... I do not regret this though, because they did great! One in particular did a few more messages after realizing it's really not that hard to let God speak through you. I loved being the stubborn one, because if that's what it took to get people out of their shell of self I was more than happy to do so in love knowing that it was good for the kingdom.  So many good words were said by those who believed they had nothing to say or were incapable of saying what they wanted to say.  By those words the Lord was praised and pleased I know this.  Yeah I was a stubborn teacher and at times probably too serious for my own good, but I don't regret any of it.


So brothers and sisters you must ask me about the summer if you have questions, because I have more to share!

I'm at seminary! I've reached the place I have aimed at for over 3 years now!  And I am so excited.

The first question asked at a small group orientation was, "What is the state of your soul?" I knew I was at the right place.  I will be stretched academically and spiritually.  Let me share my answer.

My soul is excited and plays air guitar for the Lord as I walk these new halls.  My soul sings praise and seeks relationship with brothers and sisters in Christ. My soul loves where, what and why God has done what he has done to it. My soul is content and yet fueled by desire for the kingdom to pursue more of his grace in relationships, scholarship, and other parts of creation no amount of money could ever buy.  Sisters and brothers my soul is learning what commitment is.  I said good-bye to loved ones once again. I think that is part of my story, but the other half is the joy of meeting another soul deeply committed to a similar vocation as my own.  This week I read 1 Peter and my soul was affirmed many times in this book.  One verse in particular has become key in my joy.

1 Peter 2:9

"But you are 

a chosen people, 

a royal priesthood, 

a holy nation, 

God’s special possession, 

that you may declare the praises of him 

who called you out of darkness 

into 

his wonderful light."

My soul finds a purpose ringing loud and true in this truth. 

I pray yours does too.

You are God's special possession. He HAS YOU. That you might declare in your soul, by word and deed the praises of Him who has brought you into His marvelous light.

I pray you have a content joy to pursue the Lord wherever He has placed you.  Fear not brothers and sisters He goes before, beside, behind, underneath, and above you before you even take a step. Sing as you carry His light and there is no darkness that could overtake you for you are in Him.

Blessings and Peace

Mercy

Had an insightful day yesterday which leads me to share with you today.

I do not like ideologies that claim precedence over human interaction.  We all have certain ideals that we prefer.  That comes with being a part of and contributor to human culture.  My issue is when our ideals become our only mode of thinking.  The concept used for when an ideal dictates in part how we act, talk, and engage the world around us is the concept of the ideology.  It is our bias, our subjective nature, our reasoning.  Most days we can get along with out our ideology having to really show itself fully to others.  My issue is not that we as humans have these ideals.  My aggravation stems from the moments our ideals allow us to elevate ourselves over and against those who do not share our same ideology.  I abhor the reality that some conversations never take place because both parties believe that the other is a liar when in fact neither has met or engaged the other to discover if this is actually true.  We kill the human relationship before we even realize there could have been a relationship at all!

Sisters and brothers we know better.  I know we know better.  To show you this fact I will refer to possibly the most cited parable given to us by Christ; the parable of the Good Samaritan.  Found in Luke 10:25-37 Christ cuts to the heart of the issue I have with ideologies.  We read in verse 25 that it is an expert in the law that poses the question to Christ.  He asks first, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"  Christ responds in turn a question of his own, "What is written in the law? How do you read it?"  Our expert astutely responds, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself."  Awesome he's got it time to move on right?  Well yes, but our expert is still unsure about what this means.  He asks, "who is my neighbor?"  He is looking for a sub-clause to the greatest commandment.  This is the wrong question and in the parable we get an idea of what the question really is and what the answer to that question is.

Before going further in my analysis I want you to actually read Luke 10:25-37.   http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke%2010&version=NIV

There is a link for you.  I made it fairly easy for you.

Okay now we can literally be on the same page.

So we see that there is a guy that was robbed beaten and left more or less to die out on one of the most dismal roads I have ever been on.  He is as good as gone if no one comes by to help him.  Surprisingly three people come down the road.  The first two a priest and a Levite see the man go to the other side of the road and pass him by.  Now we could explore different reasons as to why the priest and Levite passed by the beaten man, but that is not the point.  The point is both the priest and the Levite passed by the man and did nothing for him or his condition.

Similarly we could analyze the historical context of being a Samaritan on the road between Jericho and Jerusalem.  Let's say its a little surprising the Samaritan that was not beaten and left to die.  I digress.  The point is the Samaritan not by virtue of being a Samaritan, but a neighbor, stopped and aided the man.  The Samaritan went out of his way to help another person.  It was not a question of race, class, status, ethnicity, religion, or connivence.  It was a question of humanity.  It mattered to the Good Samaritan that another human was left to die, and he did what he could to help.

Being a neighbor is not a matter of proximity.  If it were then we could say for a short time the priest and the Levite were neighbors to the beaten man.  We do not accept this though, because they did nothing.  The man may as well have been the dirt under their sandals by the way they treated him.  No the neighbor was the one who had mercy on the beaten man.  Being a neighbor is not convenient at all times.  No being a neighbor will make you interact with yours and others wounds.  You'll be bled on emotionally, spiritually, and possibly physically.  Being a neighbor is not about keeping a ledger of mercy in balance between you and your neighbor.  No its about being aware of one another.  People can receive and give mercy at the same time.  Being a neighbor is about mercy on all of our wounds.  Brothers and sisters we are all wounded.  We all need mercy from one another.  Stop and see your own wounds and those of others; you'll be surprised how you can extend and receive mercy.  To God be the glory.

Blessings  


 

A Mistake Redeemed

I think by now my regular readers understand that when I speak about one thing I can imply a few other things as well.  In this post I will be telling you a story that took place last night, but I have found it to be an outline of many things in my life and you may find it to do the same in your own.

Quotes are as remembered not verbatim.

"Vince, you have snack tomorrow for CMS class," Jack kindly reminded me of this news at 9:00pm as I was reading tomorrow's history reading. 

"Oh yeah, dang," I had forgotten about this commitment.

After a few minutes of brainstorming as to what I should do about this new revelation, Jack mentioned cookies.  Not just any cookies, but coffee cookies.  

"They'll combine your two favorite things, it'll be great!" I agreed and began searching the internet for a recipe.  

"All these ask for instant coffee or espresso...." I said slightly disheartened because I have a beef with instant coffee (but not those who drink it) "oh, here's one that substitutes instant espresso with one really strong cup of coffee."  We could make this happen.

After going next door to procure chocolate chips we were eagerly following the recipe.  

"I'll get the coffee going and mix up the flour, baking soda, and sugar."

"Vince we don't have a double boiler to melt the choclate, but I have an idea."

"We've been ad hocing this a little already with the coffee substitution.  You're just following the spirit of the baking experience tonight." 

We had the dry flour mixed with the sugar and baking soda, the chocalte chips were melting down and the coffee was brewed.  The last step before baking was to combine all these along with plenty of butter in a big bowl.  I took charge of measuring out what I calculated to be the portions of each ingredient.  Cup of butter, 3 cups flour....2 cups coffee... Until we had our mixture.  

"Jack does this look a little too runny for dough?"

"Yeah maybe it needs time to cool?"

So we put it in the freezer with the idea that we would have a workable dough after 15 minutes or so. 

In that waiting our brother Dan comes back from school.  Dan is the kitchen guru of the house and I decided to ask him if our dough looked right.  His face said it all.

"You look skeptical Dan."

"Yeah..."

"How much flour did you put in?"

"I dubled what the recipe asked for."

"Hmmm"

Dan was at the computer reading the recipie to himself and then came to the bottom where the coffee substitution was.

"How much coffee did you put in?"

With confidence I replied, "Two cups as the substitution calls for."

"No i think the substitution calls for 2 tablespoons taken from one strong cup of coffee."

"Shoot!"

"Yeah it's worded and formatted poorly, but I think that explains your batter-like mixture."

Dan being the optimist did not give up on this baking experience though.  I mentioned how it looked like brownie or muffin mix and with Dan and Jack's enthusiasm we began finessing our "dough" into batter.

"Add another egg, some more flour and a little baking powder."

Following Dan's recommendations we came to a decently tasting batter.  We greased our muffin pans and put'em in the oven.  The result was now out of our hands.  

I watched that oven like a hawk.  Thinking that maybe if I show my angst to these "muffins" they would grow to be muffins.  

"They're rising!"

I was restless.  

In the end the cookies turned muffins rose, cooked through, and tasted great.  They were not what I had intended to make at all.  I don't know if I could actually repeat the process.  I nearly threw the goop out when Dan discovered my blunder.  We would not have gotten muffins though had we not worked together.  Were it just me in the story I would have forgotten to make anything at all.  Were it just me and Jack we would not have had chocolate chips.  Were it not for Dan we would have had strange probably sad excuses for cookies.  Just as it took many ingredients (some measured poorly according the intended recipe) it took many people to bring this together.  It's not about the muffins though.  It's about the relationships that brought about the possibility of the muffins.  

I cannot exegete this much more beyond saying I was insufficient on my own, but in relationships with those around me we accomplished more than any of us intended.

Blessings 

and may your baking, cooking, and planning be ever more than you could ever imagine.

Faith must soak in.

1 John 5:21 "Dear children, keep yourselves from idols."

John ends his letter with these words.  After John outlines what Christ's love is and his brothers' and sisters' responses to that love.  After warning them against loving the world.  After articulating that Christ loved us first, and that it is only in knowing this that we can begin to love God and one another rightly.  John ends, "Dear children, keep yourselves from idols."  Brothers and sisters we can believe right doctrine and still go astray.  John's closing line implicitly points to the reality that right belief does not guarantee righteous living in the life of a Christian.  Righteous practices are as much a part of a life of faith as right belief.  Together these two pillars reorient our lives with God at the center.

Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.

Hiking in the Past

I want to challenge you to think.  I want you to ruminate on the word truth.

Complete the sentence "Truth is...."

I have a hard time completing this sentence too.  I want you to think.

This past weekend I got to write another paper for a history class.  This paper addressed the formation of the American Holocaust Museum, and the challenges it brought to academic historians like yours truly.  Part of me wants to just post the paper, but to be honest I don't think it would communicate effectively to you my internet audience.  So I will attempt to distill the core of my insights, and if you have questions I give you permission to ask away!

In my mind the goal of the historian is to engage past events and people while being aware of this engagement's ability to change the historian and her audience.  Fellow historians will argue for a different goals.  Some might say that objectivity in recording events is the goal and criticize my goal for attempting to teach my audience anything more than the facts.  I will respond to this criticism too.

Let's consider objectivity for a moment.  To be objective is to operate without personal feelings or opinions.  Objectivity is mode of operation by which the operators has no prejudice.  Most agree in saying that it is impossible to be perfectly objective.  If objectivity is the goal though the historian simply attempts to be as non-prejudicial as possible when he engages past events and people.  The most objective historians might say that the purpose of history is to record events or people "as they were."  If you read their work you will get very well researched accounts, and will come to many new facts.  You may in the end ask yourself why they wrote the history, and more importantly why you read it.  If the historian's goal is to simply present events and people "as they were" then the only benefit you as a reader gain is encyclopedic fact of that event or person.  In my opinion this sort of history only accomplishes half of the task given to historians.

Imagine you and some friends are planning to go backpacking some woods for over a week.  None of you have ever been to these woods.  You had the forethought to buy a map though, and a couple of you are proficient with a compass.  Your group has the skills to navigate the woods on its own.  Your group is autonomous in the woods, but let's say there is a local guide who is on the trail.  He and your group stop and trade trail stories.  He knows these trails like a post man knows his route.  This guide picks up on your group's interests and points out a few places in the trail he knows (not guesses but knows) you all would like.  He adds some directions and details on your map to these places and you all have a few more great stories to tell thanks to the destinations he led you to.

I see historians as the trails guides in the woods that is the past.  This is not to say they know all there is to know.  It would be better to say that historians stay in the past more often than most folks.  They are familiar with past events and people, and have a habit of telling other people about them.  Everyone is able to engage the past.  Historians are just the crazies that stay in the woods maybe a little too long for the average person.

Facts are accessible to anyone diligent enough to research for them.  It is truth that is difficult to get at.  Facts establish a context in which truth can take place.  To borrow from Hans-Georg Gadamer we all approach the world with a cocktail of prejudices.  This cocktail of prejudices according to Gadamer ought to be labeled our horizon.  When two people interact with one another there is a fusion of horizons.  In this fusion individuals can begin to see the world in different ways based off of what they pick up from other people.  This process is implicitly reflective.  Before, during, and after every human interaction each of us thinks and acts on the basis of our own horizons.  These horizons are informed by many different sources faith, school, family, friends, research, culture, and the like.  Truth is when two individuals work at fusing their horizons in a prudent fashion.  In other words truth occurs when two people, who are willing to change, interact truth can take place.

The historian's task is to present the past and dead in a way by which non-historians can interact with those past horizons.  There are many facts to the past, and there is even more truth.

Blessings!