I want to confess something. I do not fully live out humbleness, but instead usually replace it with self-effacement. I do not think I am the only one to struggle with the difference here. I want to explore the difference of these two words by explaining how they operate and their impact on a life.
First, "efface" is only a verb. This means it can only be used as an action. The implication then being that for something to be self-effacement it must be an action. Actions can be both actively pursued and inadvertently done. What I want you to understand here is that efface is not abstract, but rather a tangible and observable action.
What is it to efface? Effacement is to make yourself seem insignificant. It is when your actions lead you and possibly others to believe that you do not matter to yourself. Effacement is the gradual erasure of who you are in yours and others' minds. Effacement is destructive in a gradual sense. As you tell yourself you do not matter here and there you begin to not only believe this lie, but then you live it. Effacement can and will, if given the chance, build a personal prison for its practitioners. You must not believe this lie. You matter. You have a purpose not to be erased, but to live. Maybe I am not being personal enough.
My physical stature, introverted disposition, and the like have led me to many different avenues as to how to cope. I stand at 5'4" and well that is not exactly success in this country (I am very aware of many short men who went on to do great things, I am a historian). I am easily overlooked, in the most literal way, unintentionally and have had to help people who meant no harm in it understand that there was no harm taken. It happens and I hold no grudges for it anymore. When I was young I remember praying for another 2-5 inches. I celebrated reaching 5 foot in my Freshman year of high school. It really mattered to me because it seemed to matter to everyone else. There were many off handed jokes and comments made at the expense of my stature. Oddly, I felt inadequate at times for something I had no control over. I did not wake up in the morning and choose my height for the day. I was and am just short. A similar story though less pronounced has revolved around my introverted disposition. Close friends have always known me as wanting conversation, but not large social functions. This is not say I do not do well addressing large groups of peers formally. Introversion does not prevent individuals from public speaking. Introversion makes social mingling among a large group tolling on an individual. I am very tired after two hours of what I might call "party socializing". Sometimes I will ridicule myself for my avoiding what I know is beneficial social function. There are huge benefits to being an introvert in this extroverted culture though. This blog is one consequence of my time alone. I guess it is up to you if it worth the oddity for me it is.
I have been challenged to cease self-effacement. As a result I have taken up the challenge and added to it. In replacement of self-effacement I want to live out humbleness. I won't erase myself with my actions. Instead I will better understand who I am and for what purpose I am here. Humbleness will open up avenues to understand other people in their respective places and purposes. It is not an erasure, but a promotion of others above self. In other words humbleness allows an individual to hold up another as a promotion of that person. If I erased myself I would never be able to do this.
We all have a purpose.
Blessings
February 4, 2012
January 30, 2012
This shell
To Stanley/Stanaliess (The Turtle of Wealthy 1053)
With this shell on my back
You might know I still lack
Swimming for something to find
To fill a hunger inside
Food, rocks, and all manner of things
Until every sense stings
Float to the top
That I might rest on rot
I really do want you to see
Yet too timid I flee
Understand please that my shell
Is both heaven and hell
For you see I carry my home
Yet always will I live alone
Meander through the weeds
Hoping to sow relational seeds
I press on and on
Knowing I am no pawn
Free to be myself
Yet I am on your shelf
Free as far as you let me.
I doubt our turtle is this introspective, but she definitely inspired this one.
Blessings
With this shell on my back
You might know I still lack
Swimming for something to find
To fill a hunger inside
Food, rocks, and all manner of things
Until every sense stings
Float to the top
That I might rest on rot
I really do want you to see
Yet too timid I flee
Understand please that my shell
Is both heaven and hell
For you see I carry my home
Yet always will I live alone
Meander through the weeds
Hoping to sow relational seeds
I press on and on
Knowing I am no pawn
Free to be myself
Yet I am on your shelf
Free as far as you let me.
I doubt our turtle is this introspective, but she definitely inspired this one.
Blessings
December 21, 2011
Flying Nerves
Rarely have my nerves been so reactive to something or someone. It is a shooting sensation in which I can track the progress of each nerve firing to the next so that by the end it feels as though there is a copper wire from my brain to the end of my big toe. It is not painful, but it is noticeable. If you couple the wire feeling with a pulsing pattern which is, I am, sure my heartbeat there is an actue awareness of my whole being. I said this wasn't painful just very different from my average day.
Usually this feeling is fleeting and caused by something I can simply walk away from. In the past few days however the feeling has lingered, and I think I know why. Recently my grandmother moved in with my family. She is recovering from a major accident she had almost 2 months ago now. It is a miracle she is alive. If there is one thing you should know it is that my grandma is a very strong woman. It is hard to see her use a walker and whenever she gets up from a chair on her own my nerves go nuts! I know she can do it, but the story of her accident lingers in my mind. I do not worry about her injuring herself, but still my nerves fly around. I have decided to make my nerves useful. Instead of coupling my flying nerves with a sense of worry I'll remember love.
The cause of my flying nerves has to be in part do to my love for my grandma and wanting the best for her. I've really enjoyed the past few days I've shared with her. We have shared simple and restful days. Something we both need. Instead of worrying about what could be I'll give thanks for what is. My grandma is alive and in my house for the whole break! She is laughing and watching IU basketball like always. Thank God he made her so strong. Thank God he gave her a heart of joy! Let my crazy nerves fly around. I know that my feelings mean nothing compared to the reality of God's hand. I do not need to feel the love of God, because the love of God is present here now. I know it. I pray you come to know this reality in your own life.
Blessings
Usually this feeling is fleeting and caused by something I can simply walk away from. In the past few days however the feeling has lingered, and I think I know why. Recently my grandmother moved in with my family. She is recovering from a major accident she had almost 2 months ago now. It is a miracle she is alive. If there is one thing you should know it is that my grandma is a very strong woman. It is hard to see her use a walker and whenever she gets up from a chair on her own my nerves go nuts! I know she can do it, but the story of her accident lingers in my mind. I do not worry about her injuring herself, but still my nerves fly around. I have decided to make my nerves useful. Instead of coupling my flying nerves with a sense of worry I'll remember love.
The cause of my flying nerves has to be in part do to my love for my grandma and wanting the best for her. I've really enjoyed the past few days I've shared with her. We have shared simple and restful days. Something we both need. Instead of worrying about what could be I'll give thanks for what is. My grandma is alive and in my house for the whole break! She is laughing and watching IU basketball like always. Thank God he made her so strong. Thank God he gave her a heart of joy! Let my crazy nerves fly around. I know that my feelings mean nothing compared to the reality of God's hand. I do not need to feel the love of God, because the love of God is present here now. I know it. I pray you come to know this reality in your own life.
Blessings
December 9, 2011
Paradigm doesn't even begin to explain
A mission to live for is what I have.
The other day I was told by a friend in passing, "Vince, don't be a martyr." Now before you read this wrong my life was not threatened in anyway so it was more of a figure of speech than a present reality. That being said though it stuck with me. Martyrs do not usually look to become a martyr rather that is where the final stages of their mission take them. We remember these people not because they died, but because they lived.
Have you ever told someone else or just yourself that you would die for a person/mission. You would expend your entirety to advance or protect this cause, because you deemed it more worthy than your own life? It's serious stuff, and yet we have that line, "It's to die for!" Maybe this is a way to protect ourselves from the reality of death? I digress though.
What you would die for reveals deep convictions, but what you would live for does even more. Living here is difficult. There are stresses, relationships, economies, politics, societies, jerks, hunger, and war. If you took a step back and looked at the world today you would se a bag full of ambiguity. We do not like ambiguity and therefore pick sides and make judgements. After these judgements and sides are drawn up we find conflict with those not like us a requirement. Us versus Them. Just look at congress or the presidential races and you will see a good illustration as to where this goes eventually.
Over the past two years or so I have become very disenfranchised with the two party paradigm. I can only hang my hat up in one place anymore and that is the Church. Before you say "Vince you have chosen a side!" let me speak ok? Ok.
The Church is wherever two or more believers are gathered in the name of Christ. It is not just a building. The Church is a group of people who have made Christ their all. Christ is the center of Church. The faith of the Church is in Christ and the work done is done for and through Christ. The Church is an attempt to make as much space for God to reign fully in this world presently. Does the Church fail at doing this sometimes? Yes when it is caught up in trying to be something it is not. Church is not a row of pews waiting to be filled nor shiny plates to receive penance. Church is the gathering of believers in love who through the Spirit glorify God in song, relationship, justice, love, and all the fruit of the spirit. Church is bigger than we make it, mainly because we do not make it. We are led to it.
Do not sell out to culture, ideology, or bigotry. Die to Christ alone and in Him there is life Brothers and Sisters.
This is more.
Blessings
The other day I was told by a friend in passing, "Vince, don't be a martyr." Now before you read this wrong my life was not threatened in anyway so it was more of a figure of speech than a present reality. That being said though it stuck with me. Martyrs do not usually look to become a martyr rather that is where the final stages of their mission take them. We remember these people not because they died, but because they lived.
Have you ever told someone else or just yourself that you would die for a person/mission. You would expend your entirety to advance or protect this cause, because you deemed it more worthy than your own life? It's serious stuff, and yet we have that line, "It's to die for!" Maybe this is a way to protect ourselves from the reality of death? I digress though.
What you would die for reveals deep convictions, but what you would live for does even more. Living here is difficult. There are stresses, relationships, economies, politics, societies, jerks, hunger, and war. If you took a step back and looked at the world today you would se a bag full of ambiguity. We do not like ambiguity and therefore pick sides and make judgements. After these judgements and sides are drawn up we find conflict with those not like us a requirement. Us versus Them. Just look at congress or the presidential races and you will see a good illustration as to where this goes eventually.
Over the past two years or so I have become very disenfranchised with the two party paradigm. I can only hang my hat up in one place anymore and that is the Church. Before you say "Vince you have chosen a side!" let me speak ok? Ok.
The Church is wherever two or more believers are gathered in the name of Christ. It is not just a building. The Church is a group of people who have made Christ their all. Christ is the center of Church. The faith of the Church is in Christ and the work done is done for and through Christ. The Church is an attempt to make as much space for God to reign fully in this world presently. Does the Church fail at doing this sometimes? Yes when it is caught up in trying to be something it is not. Church is not a row of pews waiting to be filled nor shiny plates to receive penance. Church is the gathering of believers in love who through the Spirit glorify God in song, relationship, justice, love, and all the fruit of the spirit. Church is bigger than we make it, mainly because we do not make it. We are led to it.
Do not sell out to culture, ideology, or bigotry. Die to Christ alone and in Him there is life Brothers and Sisters.
This is more.
Blessings
December 4, 2011
Love is
Galatians 2:20-21 "I have been crucified with Christ and no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"
Galatians 2 is the passage I have been chewing on for a long time now. I am always confronted by these last two verses. These verses reflect so concisely the reality of faith that I need to remember daily. I am not saying that I only reflect on these two verses, but rather that the reflection on these two verses have been helpful in catapulting me deeper in to the faith. These two verses help me see the present reality of sanctification in the lives of others and my own.
When I remember that to live is Christ, as a believer, I am blessed with a deeper reality presently. Anxiety washes away, because I realize that we are all totally in God's hand. To live is Christ and therefore we are invited to let God be God and glorify Him. This reality is possible because Christ first died for us and we join him in that death and the resurrection that followed. Christ gave himself as a sacrifice out of love for each and every one of us including you and me (I find it too easy to exclude myself from a pronoun sometimes). This is grace that Holy God is not only mindful of all our sins but chooses to love us actively. God's love is so active that he came as a child to live among us for a time. God suffered humanity. His love is so great that even when he could have left us wallowing in ignorance and ritual he showed us how to love him and one another. He did this and knew we would kill him violently and with mocking lips. We hung him on a tree each one of us drove a nail into his body. The ones who knew him best still did not understand how Emmanuel could die like this. 'God with us' bore a crown of thorns and hung between two criminals. He died as the worst of us, according to our laws, die. Love wins in this reality though. You see Christ died that we might do likewise with him. We can die too and even more so we can rise again in Christ. If we die with Christ we also rise with him. Love does not die or end at the cross. It has victory to claim.
They shut love in a tomb and put it under guard. The stone was rolled back and love came forth in its fullness. No more death. Love wins. Christ gave himself for me and now lives in me. His outpouring sanctifies me hourly. He is life in me. I do not achieve life through ritual or religion. No, he is life given through grace. I cannot set this grace aside, because to do so would be to die to my futile attempts at righteousness. In Christ we are brought into life. That life is then led through the Spirit.
We are not alone even now. The Spirit is present and active. The Spirit speaks and intercedes on our behalf constantly. Grace abounds in this world because love wins. The written law cannot save me or you. So please join me in living by faith.
We will not always have the answer for the question that arises in moment.
We will not always have a smile on our face.
We will not always be the favored ones.
We will always be in God's hand.
We will always be learning what living by faith is.
We will always be in the presence of Almighty God.
We will always have life.
Love wins.
The Father, Son, and Spirit have called you by name.
Christ died that we might have righteousness and lives that we might not only have righteousness but have it abundantly in him and glorify God in it.
Blessings more than we could imagine.
May your advent be full.
Galatians 2 is the passage I have been chewing on for a long time now. I am always confronted by these last two verses. These verses reflect so concisely the reality of faith that I need to remember daily. I am not saying that I only reflect on these two verses, but rather that the reflection on these two verses have been helpful in catapulting me deeper in to the faith. These two verses help me see the present reality of sanctification in the lives of others and my own.
When I remember that to live is Christ, as a believer, I am blessed with a deeper reality presently. Anxiety washes away, because I realize that we are all totally in God's hand. To live is Christ and therefore we are invited to let God be God and glorify Him. This reality is possible because Christ first died for us and we join him in that death and the resurrection that followed. Christ gave himself as a sacrifice out of love for each and every one of us including you and me (I find it too easy to exclude myself from a pronoun sometimes). This is grace that Holy God is not only mindful of all our sins but chooses to love us actively. God's love is so active that he came as a child to live among us for a time. God suffered humanity. His love is so great that even when he could have left us wallowing in ignorance and ritual he showed us how to love him and one another. He did this and knew we would kill him violently and with mocking lips. We hung him on a tree each one of us drove a nail into his body. The ones who knew him best still did not understand how Emmanuel could die like this. 'God with us' bore a crown of thorns and hung between two criminals. He died as the worst of us, according to our laws, die. Love wins in this reality though. You see Christ died that we might do likewise with him. We can die too and even more so we can rise again in Christ. If we die with Christ we also rise with him. Love does not die or end at the cross. It has victory to claim.
They shut love in a tomb and put it under guard. The stone was rolled back and love came forth in its fullness. No more death. Love wins. Christ gave himself for me and now lives in me. His outpouring sanctifies me hourly. He is life in me. I do not achieve life through ritual or religion. No, he is life given through grace. I cannot set this grace aside, because to do so would be to die to my futile attempts at righteousness. In Christ we are brought into life. That life is then led through the Spirit.
We are not alone even now. The Spirit is present and active. The Spirit speaks and intercedes on our behalf constantly. Grace abounds in this world because love wins. The written law cannot save me or you. So please join me in living by faith.
We will not always have the answer for the question that arises in moment.
We will not always have a smile on our face.
We will not always be the favored ones.
We will always be in God's hand.
We will always be learning what living by faith is.
We will always be in the presence of Almighty God.
We will always have life.
Love wins.
The Father, Son, and Spirit have called you by name.
Christ died that we might have righteousness and lives that we might not only have righteousness but have it abundantly in him and glorify God in it.
Blessings more than we could imagine.
May your advent be full.
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