"There is no such thing as one Christian." Dorthy Day
I have seriously considered giving this whole blogging thing a rest for a while. As you can see I came to the conclusion that it is still worthwhile. Don't get me wrong I am content and have enough for each day, but I always seem to squeak by when it comes to human interaction. I usually attribute this to my demeanor, and yes sometimes that's the issue. Unfortunately that is also a lie half the time. How could someone who is so driven to find a level of conversation that involves so much trust be so bent as to not engage in conversation?
Half the time I believe the lie that I am the only one.
When it comes to questions and struggles I have like should I lend a buck? I get the feeling like I am the only selfish one who at times is reluctant to lend not because the money means much to me, but the trust I need to lend is greater than the present trust I have. In community there is courage.
Half the time I believe I am the only one.
In class when I feel entirely inadequate to even be at the level my AER point me to; I am convinced I am the only one who struggles to keep up. As if everyone else was born speaking this language or knowing these stories. As if mine is the only head that implodes each and every time a question is posed and I say, "What?"
Half the time I believe I am the only one.
I pine for conversation. Not just about how the weather is or your truck, but to know you. I want to know you. Not so that I can say "Thank goodness I'm not you." No so that we both will find that point at which one of us says, "Yeah, me too."
Half the time I believe we really do constitute a coherent body.
God bless you and me not just individually (which is good and needed), but also corporately so that we might see one another as God sees us.
Extend your hand in fellowship and you'll find someone else reaching out. Stop believing the lie that you are the only one, because you're not.
May you say "Me too" this day.
Blessings
November 16, 2011
November 11, 2011
Musings in a Hat
In a world of t-shirts and hoodies you can look very snooty wearing a tie with a white collared shirt. If you add a fedora to that you may as well say you are going to church, synagogue, or probably temple.
I made the decision today to wear a white button up shirt, red tie, khakis, and a black sweater (not too great with the khakis) along with a fedora. I made this decision knowing that few peers would let my 20's mobster look go by without coming to some conclusions about who I am. Then I remembered that people make judgments all the time regardless of what I wear. I decided to do this and did it. Does it need more explanation?
I don't want you t think I am making this more than it is, but I want to dive into a bigger issue. I have recently come out of a bout of self-paralyzation. My inhibitions became my coma and my practicalities were my camouflage. Making convicted decisions were not possible because even though I would make the decision it would rarely come to fruition in the way I had envisioned. So I have cut back on inhibitions and learned to stop letting the expectations of others dictate my life.
I wear a tie and fedora, because the world does not need another hoodie totin' guy or hat wearin' hipster (there is nothing wrong with either). No, I do this because the tie and the hat speak to my personality. In a small way I get to dictate what you think of me through my dress. I might as well be honest with you right? Then maybe when you and I converse we'll have already established the groundwork for honesty. I like the sound of that. Just like I enjoy the fit of my hat.
Blessings
I made the decision today to wear a white button up shirt, red tie, khakis, and a black sweater (not too great with the khakis) along with a fedora. I made this decision knowing that few peers would let my 20's mobster look go by without coming to some conclusions about who I am. Then I remembered that people make judgments all the time regardless of what I wear. I decided to do this and did it. Does it need more explanation?
I don't want you t think I am making this more than it is, but I want to dive into a bigger issue. I have recently come out of a bout of self-paralyzation. My inhibitions became my coma and my practicalities were my camouflage. Making convicted decisions were not possible because even though I would make the decision it would rarely come to fruition in the way I had envisioned. So I have cut back on inhibitions and learned to stop letting the expectations of others dictate my life.
I wear a tie and fedora, because the world does not need another hoodie totin' guy or hat wearin' hipster (there is nothing wrong with either). No, I do this because the tie and the hat speak to my personality. In a small way I get to dictate what you think of me through my dress. I might as well be honest with you right? Then maybe when you and I converse we'll have already established the groundwork for honesty. I like the sound of that. Just like I enjoy the fit of my hat.
Blessings
November 8, 2011
Contentment in Purpose
Where is your heart?
Yes this is a loaded question. You could answer my heart is in my chest sitting under my left breast. Acceptable answer time to move on.
If you're still reading it's because you understand the loadedness of the question. Where is your heart? Is it in your appearance? Does it beat in the presence of a relationship? Maybe it lies in a skill you practice daily? In other words, I am asking what motivates you daily?
For a while I would get up because of the expectations set for me. I wanted to please myself and others. Not much wrong with this. I was being a good son, brother, and friend in this motivation. The issue arose when I did not meet these expectations. Others may have forgiven me easily, but I never forgave myself without putting my self through the gauntlet of self doubt. It was sickening. I'd compare myself to others who I saw as more successful. I would lose every time. In this I would also loose sight of what my brothers and sisters were really struggling with. I lost the ability to hold another accountable, because I was so wrapped up in myself. I needed to transplant my heart.
I tried pursuing love. That was silly. Not the relationship, but my expectations. I forgot how to live presently. I lived in a fantasy world of future expectations that had no root in the present. I was trying to sit on a cloud. I forgot my parachute. Simply put, my heart crashed back to Earth and I got to pick through the ruble to find the little black box.
I realized recently that I was turning in on myself again. I was making my expectations my motivation. I told my brothers this and they brought me out of myself. I have found contentment which has been so long absent in my life.
I am learning to live in the hand of my creator. I am free. I have learned that I have purpose that is being revealed to me daily in the present. I may get glimpses of what is to come, but only glimpses because there is much to do now. In my freedom I bring glory to the Lord. I dance on the palm of my creator and praise his name in my quiet work. I can say that I do not care what you think of me. I only hope and pray that you join me.
My motivation is in knowing that the creator has a purpose in me. I do not write these blogs for the audience. I write these posts because it is a way my purpose is accomplished.
Yes this is a loaded question. You could answer my heart is in my chest sitting under my left breast. Acceptable answer time to move on.
If you're still reading it's because you understand the loadedness of the question. Where is your heart? Is it in your appearance? Does it beat in the presence of a relationship? Maybe it lies in a skill you practice daily? In other words, I am asking what motivates you daily?
For a while I would get up because of the expectations set for me. I wanted to please myself and others. Not much wrong with this. I was being a good son, brother, and friend in this motivation. The issue arose when I did not meet these expectations. Others may have forgiven me easily, but I never forgave myself without putting my self through the gauntlet of self doubt. It was sickening. I'd compare myself to others who I saw as more successful. I would lose every time. In this I would also loose sight of what my brothers and sisters were really struggling with. I lost the ability to hold another accountable, because I was so wrapped up in myself. I needed to transplant my heart.
I tried pursuing love. That was silly. Not the relationship, but my expectations. I forgot how to live presently. I lived in a fantasy world of future expectations that had no root in the present. I was trying to sit on a cloud. I forgot my parachute. Simply put, my heart crashed back to Earth and I got to pick through the ruble to find the little black box.
I realized recently that I was turning in on myself again. I was making my expectations my motivation. I told my brothers this and they brought me out of myself. I have found contentment which has been so long absent in my life.
I am learning to live in the hand of my creator. I am free. I have learned that I have purpose that is being revealed to me daily in the present. I may get glimpses of what is to come, but only glimpses because there is much to do now. In my freedom I bring glory to the Lord. I dance on the palm of my creator and praise his name in my quiet work. I can say that I do not care what you think of me. I only hope and pray that you join me.
My motivation is in knowing that the creator has a purpose in me. I do not write these blogs for the audience. I write these posts because it is a way my purpose is accomplished.
November 1, 2011
Say to the Mountain
The art of reading to yourself is not easily mastered. I was always under the impression that the best way to read to myself was internally with a mental dialoge that lacked auditory qualities. It was the epitome of internal processing. I could read anywhere with anonymity. The library demanded this from me, and besides it is just insanity to talk to yourself.
OUR CREATOR SPOKE US INTO EXISTENCE!
Thank God he spoke out loud. His words changed the present situation! Ours can do the same. You doubt this don't you. Yeah you do, because you're like me. Timid and careful. You dare not break the silence, because you have done this before and got burned. Like sitting in class and you think you might have the answer the professor is asking for, but you nearly failed that last test so there is no way you could possibly have the right answer (yeah I've been there). The worst of it is when you let the moment pass, and you find out you actually had the answer. Self-doubt sucks the life out of community. We all know this, but it is not realized until the moments have passed.
I find that when self-doubt paralyzes me I am either worried about what has happened before or what might happen in the near future. I forget my present existence. Every moment is an arrival to a new now. Does this make sense? I demand that you and I live presently. Self-doubt has no place in the believer's life, because the self has died and is replaced by Father, Son, and Spirit. There is no doubt in the promises and present reality of a believer's life. This is not to say a believer will not run into difficult questions, but that those questions will not overcome the faith, but instead strengthen faith's resolve. We, sisters and brothers, live presently in the glory of God. Do you actually remind yourself of this? It's true. hard to believe but true. If he is for us what can stand against us? Why do you doubt? Why do stand against what it is that you so desperately desire? Why will you not enter the holy of holies? You will fail. You have died. You are renewed. Live it! Speak it! I scream this out to you that you might hear it!
"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his [or her] heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him." Words of the Lord Jesus Christ. We try and find the cryptic message here. "Oh he does not really mean the mountain will physically fall into the sea. It's more like our spiritual mountains will go into our spiritual seas....?" You don't even believe this! (I am talking to myself a bit here......).
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." God I ask that I am liberated from the fetters of self. In you there is freedom to love and be loved.
"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." I forgive you for not speaking to me when I looked for it. I grew bitter towards you for your silence. In Christ we are both forgiven. Will you still be my sister or brother? I hope so. I pray so. Let us sit under the shady willow God has given us for this present time. In faith we will pray for reconciliation and have it. A part of heaven here presently. I am beginning to see it! We have it already, and yet not fully. We need one another fully in Christ. I pray we laugh, cry, love, tremble, shout, sit, and be together.
Many Blessings on you this day from the Father, Christ the Son, and the Spirit.
Peace
OUR CREATOR SPOKE US INTO EXISTENCE!
Thank God he spoke out loud. His words changed the present situation! Ours can do the same. You doubt this don't you. Yeah you do, because you're like me. Timid and careful. You dare not break the silence, because you have done this before and got burned. Like sitting in class and you think you might have the answer the professor is asking for, but you nearly failed that last test so there is no way you could possibly have the right answer (yeah I've been there). The worst of it is when you let the moment pass, and you find out you actually had the answer. Self-doubt sucks the life out of community. We all know this, but it is not realized until the moments have passed.
I find that when self-doubt paralyzes me I am either worried about what has happened before or what might happen in the near future. I forget my present existence. Every moment is an arrival to a new now. Does this make sense? I demand that you and I live presently. Self-doubt has no place in the believer's life, because the self has died and is replaced by Father, Son, and Spirit. There is no doubt in the promises and present reality of a believer's life. This is not to say a believer will not run into difficult questions, but that those questions will not overcome the faith, but instead strengthen faith's resolve. We, sisters and brothers, live presently in the glory of God. Do you actually remind yourself of this? It's true. hard to believe but true. If he is for us what can stand against us? Why do you doubt? Why do stand against what it is that you so desperately desire? Why will you not enter the holy of holies? You will fail. You have died. You are renewed. Live it! Speak it! I scream this out to you that you might hear it!
"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his [or her] heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him." Words of the Lord Jesus Christ. We try and find the cryptic message here. "Oh he does not really mean the mountain will physically fall into the sea. It's more like our spiritual mountains will go into our spiritual seas....?" You don't even believe this! (I am talking to myself a bit here......).
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." God I ask that I am liberated from the fetters of self. In you there is freedom to love and be loved.
"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." I forgive you for not speaking to me when I looked for it. I grew bitter towards you for your silence. In Christ we are both forgiven. Will you still be my sister or brother? I hope so. I pray so. Let us sit under the shady willow God has given us for this present time. In faith we will pray for reconciliation and have it. A part of heaven here presently. I am beginning to see it! We have it already, and yet not fully. We need one another fully in Christ. I pray we laugh, cry, love, tremble, shout, sit, and be together.
Many Blessings on you this day from the Father, Christ the Son, and the Spirit.
Peace
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